Fondu Au Noir
by WanderLust5225
Summary: Hermione and Harry Potter are in an incestuous relationship. Ron and Ginny suspect but want them anyways. Malfoy has a secret that might destroy everything. Not suitable for sensitive people. Very dark.
1. Chapter 1

The night is anything but peaceful. Lightning flashes lighting the common room for but a second as I enter from the halls, alighting my reflection in the window I am across from. I look eerie in this lighting, pale, thin and ghostly. I move away and across to the boys dormitory. My feet are as light as a feather as I go up the stairs hurriedly till I'm in front of his door. I carefully open the door a crack to peek inside to check if everyone is already asleep. They are. Good.

I open the door further and let myself in not bothering with a disillusioning or silencing charm. I am not afraid to be found here. If I could have my way I wouldn't even bother having a bed in the girls dorms, I would just come sleep here every night.

"Arghm!"

My eyes fall on Ronald Weasley, dead asleep and snoring outrageously. This would be the only reason I would stay away, because of these other loud, dirty, immature boys.

I look away and move again to his bed. His blood red bed curtains are drawn so I reach out and pull them back, my eyes landing on him from where I stand.

Green eyes framed behind glasses readily stare back at me. He is waiting for me, a pleasant surprise. I feel a thrill spread through my body because of this and smile at him as I climb into his bed, holding up his comforter to slip my cold body inside. Immediately the warmth of his body heat engulfs me, along with his scent which I breath in deeply. He doesn't say anything as I do this, just watches me with those eyes that look so different in the darkness.

"Harry," I say around a smile, leaning over to kiss his lips.

Harry pulls away, shushing me with his face unhappy. The smile slips from my own mouth as I eye him with question and hurt at his rejection. He sighs.

"Hermione I told you not to do this anymore." he whisper in a tired sort of voice. I frown at him, my own ire quick to react.

"I never agreed to your demands, Harry." I say, not bothering to lower my voice as he furiously shushes me as he reaches over for his wand. I couldn't care less if I woke anyone up, what matters is Harry and what has been festering in him ever since the start of school term.

"Muffliato! What are you doing Hermione? You could have woken everyone!"

"I don't care!" I burst out, my anger exploding in my chest.

I climb on top of him, using my arms and legs as a means to cage him in; Harry meets my stare with unwavering unimpressed gaze. It frustrates me even more. I feel like hitting him.

"Why are you doing this to me, huh, Harry? What are you punishing me for?" I ask, my face scrunching as I hear the watery edge to my voice. Harry can hear it too, I know because his eyes suddenly soften from their annoyed look. I'm just so angry that my emotions feel out of control. It's only ever like this with Harry.

"I'm not punishing you Hermione. I'm just..." He lets his sentence trail, unable to say whats really on his mind.

But I know already, have known since the start of term.

"Kiss me." I demand. The steeling set to my eyes makes it clear that I'm not looking for coyness. I want a real kiss.

Harry reaches out for me, one hand twining into my hair as he pulls me down on to lay my body on top of his, the other trailing down my spine and pushing my hips down onto his and staying there. I shiver and close my eyes as his lips move over mine.

My own hand goes to his hair as I touch my tongue to his lips for the first time. Harry's reaction shocks me.

His head jerks back as his hips go forward and I feel something, bulging from his pants. His hands are on my waist the next second and practically throwing me off beside him before he curls up on his side away from me.

I sit there stunned staring at his back for a second before I reach out to touch him.

"Harry," I say, placing my hand on his shoulder as I edge near to get a look at his face. Harry hides his face further into his pillows, and shies away from my touch.

"Go to sleep Hermione." he demands, his voice sounding muffled.

I stare down at him debating if I should listen or if I should press but... I lie my head down staring at his back. Had I really just felt what I think I felt? Harry's-my Harry, my brother- erection... It was there, I'd felt it press up into me, as if straining to reach me through layers of clothing...

I blush, all the earlier anger and out of control emotions flying out of me to be replaced with something else entirely, something strange and foreign. I'm not mortified like I should be. I feel hot, strangely curious, a little bit mortified that I don't feel disgusted. There's something I can't ignore in my lower abdomen. It's getting hard to swallow and breath normally. I've never felt this before.

I feel hyper aware as I lay facing his back. He too seems to not be breathing. Is he ashamed? Guilty? Scared?

I don't want him to be. I don't want him to feel scared that I might be disgusted that he reacted that way to me because I love him more than anyone or anything. He's the only thing I have in this world and I cannot lose him.

I scoot closer to him till I'm pressed against his back. I ignore how his body stiffens as my forehead touches the spot between his shoulder blades and I slide my hand around his waist to spoon him. I close my eyes and wait to see if he'll reject my touch again.

Harry takes a hold of my hand with his own and gives it a squeeze, his body relaxing slightly. I smile softly and nestle even closer. Soon I'm lulled to sleep as thunder, lightening and rain wage war outside.

* * *

Eyes. I can feel them on me. I don't look to find whose staring. It's not cowardly, I'm not afraid of the stares, I just don't have a reason to acknowledge these eyes. They're not Harry's green eyes. I know it's not him because Harry's eyes are magnetic and instantly when I feel them my body reacts.

It's a natural reaction. One forged when were in our mother's womb. We were once one and then we were split apart but I am still him and he is still me.

I flip the page of my book comfortably despite the weight of these eyes. Being stared at is nothing new since Harry and I were brought back to the wizarding world. The-twins-who-lived, they call us. Unlike for Harry, the eyes that stare at me are no longer filled with awe and reverence. That ended in my first year when my know-it-all goody-two-shoes behavior annoyed everyone around me.

Now the eyes that stare are filled with emotions that alienate me from them. I do not mind. I will not let their ideals belittle the values I hold. They are not worth compromising my education. They are not worth compromising anything.

These wizards and witches that surround me, they are fickle, selfish and ignorant. They don't care about the house elves that they enslaved or the goblins they don't respect. They are fearful, spineless. They look the other way to bigotry, deeming first generation wizards and witches as muggleborns, and unwilling to try and modernize their world, treating what they deem as 'half-breed's like werewolves and centaurs with inequality.

It's what I'm reading about now, reviewing their backwards laws and decrees with blatant disdain in the archive section of the library while I wait for Harry to come so we can walk down to the Great Hall together. He's coming all the way from the Quidditch field so I know it will take him awhile.

I would have liked for him not to do Quidditch at all. When he got the seeker position in our first year I had a go at him. We rowed like never before. I tried reasoning with him citing all the dangers and the negative effects it would have on his schooling. When that didn't work I started yelling and threatening him, saying I wouldn't speak to him anymore. He'd gotten angry then and I'd started to cry and beg him but he still did it. It had been the first time Harry had denied me anything and it hurt worse than any curse.

We still fight about it because no matter what I will never like the sport and I'll always try to sabotage his chances of playing. He shouldn't be doing things that will damage his body; he should be here with me instead, taking an interest in the things that matter like the laws that surround this world we live in and the changes that need to be made in our society.

Plus, I hate the way that Ginny Weasley clings to him. She thinks she's in love with him. I could spot her greedy pathetic affections for him from a mile away. It's ridiculous really. She doesn't even know Harry! So what, they play the same barbaric sport and he's sort of friends with her brother! It doesn't make her anymore special then the other girls that want a piece of the 'wizarding hero'!

But she thinks she's special. I can see it on her face and its getting worse and worse as the years go by. I have to grudgingly admit that Harry might be nicer to her then the other girls because he's been getting closer and closer with Ronald. This is annoying in itself since Ronald and I have never been able to see eye to eye. To me, he's an incompetent, loud-mouthed, buffoon. Many times he'd butt in when I'm trying to convince Harry to not do something daft. I'll admit I get shirty with him easily because he's an outsider and has no business getting involved in anything that has to do with Harry.

Harry likes him though. I don't really understand hwy or how his came to be but he does so I have to put up with his presence at least two times a day. Thankfully, Harry always comes to me at the library alone. I know that Ron is not the only person who finds it barmy how close we are with each other; that Harry would go all the way from the field to the library just so we can go to dinner together when he passes it on his way to get me. His relationship with his sister is nothing like ours but his twin brothers help him to understand surprisingly more than I would give him credit for. He never bothers Harry about it; if he'd did I'd sort him out quickly.

I flip another page and scribble an interesting tidbit onto my parchment to review for later. I notice then that the feeling of being watched is still present but I still don't raise my eyes because-to be frank- I can't be bothered enough to care. Harry is late to come pick me up which is not a big deal. It happens sometimes and I'm a grown woman who can walk to the great hall by herself.

I just don't like it very much. Harry is my other half and I want to be around him as much as possible. I like seeing his face, hearing him laugh and talk more than I like anything else in this world. Other's-whether it be man or woman-feel the same why. They all know that Harry is special.

I pack my belongings and head to the Great Hall sans him. As I walk the halls other faces pass by, staring with their eyes as always. I walk with my eyes straight and my shoulders back. I know this gives me an unapproachable air and I wield this like a sword around this castle. I don't want to be approached and hear these witless peoples thoughts. I had enough of that my first year in the wizarding world.

Once inside the Great Hall it is apparent that the Qudditch team have not yet finished their practice since none of them are in sight. Annoyance bubbles in me as a take a seat a little apart from everyone else at the Gryffindor table facing the exit so I can see when Harry comes in. Angelina must be pushing them hard again which means that Harry will be too tired to sneak out and sleep with me tonight. I hate it when I have to sleep alone in the girls dormitory. It means a restless night unless I can manage to get Madam Pomfrey to give me a dreamless sleep draught.

I notice Malfoy come in looking pale and ferrety as always. I don't expect him to look this way so I'm surprised when he does and our eyes meet. I'm grateful that I hadn't taken a bite of food yet lest I choke. His face is void of its usual sneer that he wears when he looks at me, in fact, it seems almost as if he is about to smile. I don't trust it and find myself not tearing my eyes away from his gaze as he makes his way to his table.

It's no secret the disdain Malfoy feels towards us. He's gotten Harry into more detentions then Ronald can count and he loves to insult me and my classroom tendency's any chance he can get. He irks me to no end. Not because of the immature comments he makes about me- I can take any bout of criticism or insults- its the way he treats Harry and the way that he loves to goad him into trouble. It's unacceptable in my book.

I'm distracted from our little stare off at the entrance doors reopening. The Quidditch team enters impressively in their gear chatting amicably with flushed dirty faces. I spot Harry among them easily, a Weasley on either side. He's smiling down at Ginny whose talking excitedly to him, reveling in his attention. I see clearly the moment Ginny decides to take initiative and places her hand on Harry's arm as she gives him a womanly smile.

I'm up out of my seat in the next beat. Eyes are on me again but I don't feel them. I feel anger and disgust at this girls filthy intentions. My eyes are locked on Harry who finally gazes back at me as I approach.

"Hermione," His green eyes are surprised as they meet mine and I hold them with a glaring force.

Without a word, I snatch the arm Ginny is still touching and pull him away heading for the Great Hall doors. I can imagine what they all must be saying in there now. 'There she goes again! That bossy Hermione Potter is always dragging Harry off some place! Probably forcing the poor bloke to study in the library for an exam half a year away without his dinner! Merlin, what a bitch!'

I've heard those exact words uttered before. I do not care. Let them say whatever petty things that come to their minds; they just don't understand.

Ginny wouldn't say these things, though. No, the red haired love-sick fool would think herself too above the gossip but she'll be staring after us with clenched fists. I just know it. She'll be wondering where I've taken him and why and what exactly is wrong with me that I have to butt into their time together at every chance I get.

"Hermione, what's wrong?" I can hear his concern in his voice but I don't answer as I march us away. I take the secret passageway behind a tapestry to get us three floors up and away from everyone else but it doesn't seem far enough. I'm pulling at him incessantly, my minds eye paranoid picturing Ginny chasing after us.

"Hermione!" Harry digs his heels in, easily stopping me as he places his arms on my shoulders and turns me to face him. His eyes search my own earnestly worried but its not enough. I wiggle out of his grip and slide into his arm, nestling myself against his chest. I breathe in his scent. It's a clean smell, his smell. Familiar and comforting.

"Hermione?" His hand gently holds the back of my head, sliding his hand soothingly over my hair as his other arm holds me. "Did something happen?"

"No," I reply holding myself against him for a second more before pulling back to look at him. "Are you not going to meet with me in the room of requirement tonight?"

Harry looks away from me and I'm instantly annoyed. I know what he's going to say before he even says it.

"I don't think that I will, Hermione, and you shouldn't come to my room again if I don't come. We keep getting really close to being caught and I don't want to risk it."

"Since when did a little risk stop you from doing something? Why don't you tell me what you're really thinking Harry?" I wait for him to say it, to be honest with me again because I know that he thinks we're getting to old to sleep in each others beds. He doesn't say anything. He doesn't realize how well I can read him.

My face morphs into one of disappointed anger and I turn sharply on my heel and walk away knowing full well that Harry will chase me.

"Don't be mad at me, Hermione, please! I just..."

A flurry of unforgiving rage sweeps through me. I quickly spin around and harshly grab hold of his wrist before I burst open the closest door to us and push him inside, using momentum to then slam him against the door where I harshly slap my hand right next to his head. Harry doesn't even wince at any of this, just watches me fixedly behind his bespectacled eyes.

"I know exactly what your 'just' means! You think you're out growing me and that you don't need me anymore-"

"No, you're wrong Hermione," he interrupts, his voice brooking no room for arguments. It's a tone rarely used on me, normally is vice-versa. I know that my words aren't true but I'm looking to get a rise of him so he's aggravated into confessing whatever issue he's been having. His response isn't as satisfying as I would have liked for it to be. I give him an unimpressed glare.

"Am I? You've got a funny way of showing me I'm wrong. Your actions actually convey that I am one hundred percent right! You've been spending a lot more time with the Gryffindor quidditch team-"

"That's because we're trying to win every game before Christmas break!" I ignore him, talking over him pointedly.

"-And, and, you don't get to the Room of Requirement until way later when you know perfectly well that I'm waiting for you to come! You know I can't sleep until you get there and yet you still don't care. And then you get mad at me when I go to your room instead! You spend forever chatting with the massive idiot Weasley or playing that barbaric wizards chess! And you let that Weasley girl flirt with you all the time!"

Finally Harry looks away and there's a hint of guilt on his face. He can't deny it because he knows I'm right. Finally he has given me something I can work with to push him closer to the truth I'm craving. I move closer to him still, completely invading his space as I glare into his eyes.

"Is this because of what happened last night?" I ask roughly, putting the real issues at hand to the fore front so they can't be avoided. Harry blanched, squeezing his eyes shut as if I physically struck him with my words.

"Don't," he bit out, muscle in his jaw clenching, "just don't."

"Harry, I don't care about it!" I say, my eyes trying to connect with his so he can see the truth in them. "I could never be upset at anything you do to me!" I lay my forehead on his. "You could kill me and I wouldn't even mind. I love you Harry. We are all each other have."

"Hermione." he breathes, sounding tired. I press a kiss to his lips. He doesn't move, doesn't breath. I don't care, his lips feel soft and his scent is surrounding me. He pulls his head away and easily escapes from my arms.

"I have to go Hermione. Dinner is going to end soon." he excuses pathetically, his eyes not meeting mine as he quickly escapes from me. I watch him go, silent, lips pressed into a hard line. I don't like this. I hate this distance.

But I let him go.

I stand there for a few minutes to breath, to calm myself. When I feel ready I open up the door and head back for the library. The sick churning feeling in my gut that's screaming at me to fix whatever this is with Harry is one that can only fade away with the distraction of books. I need this distraction.

Since I already finished all my reading and homework for school I debate in my head which my own pet project I should throw myself into. Should I further my ideas for S.P.E.W? Start an outline on all the laws and decrees in the ministry and the pros and cons of them?

The library is gives me a great comfort. I place my things in my favorite spot and roam the shelves for the books I need, all the while trying not to think of Harry. I levitate a bunch of thick tombs back to my table. Tort reforms and Alternatives: Magical Creatures is the first that I crack open along with an archive of dropped cases involving werewolves.

I start to read but the words aren't sticking in my mind. I keep seeing Harry's face- eyes downcast, body language uncomfortable and defensive- and it hurts. I'm frustrated with it all. How did this happen? Why? When did everything change?

As twins, we have always been close. We never left each other's side, sharing the pain of the Dursley's... I just don't understand it. We have always, always, done everything together, needed each other, needed the comfort of the others touch to compensate for the Dursley's harsh hands.

How could Harry actually expect me to accept his behavior when it had no reasoning and made no sense? Its not a question of him not needing me anymore. He will always need me, so why?

Since summer Harry has been like this and I just can't stand it any longer. Every time I press for answers, demand a reason, forcibly act like nothing is wrong, he reacts negatively and draws further away. I scrub my face with frustration, letting out a little scream of indignation as I pull on the roots of my hair.

I feel desperate. Scared.

What if Harry pulls so far away and I'm left dead in the water?

I shudder as something hard and heavy settles in my stomach.

But Harry would never do that to me. He knows...he wouldn't. Couldn't.

I take a deep breath, remove my elbows from the table and stare down at the open pages before me. I force those treacherous feelings down and concentrate on the words before me.

Tort: Common Law Werewolves Series

Mandatory Registration- All werewolves must register as a werewolf to the Ministry of Magic and be issued a Werewolf Identification Card sixty days after first transformation. Failure to comply will result in a 10,000 galleon fine that must be paid within thirty days. Failure to pay within the thirty days will result in a 10% increase each day fine goes unpaid. Risk of arrest after three years.

Worker Torts:

Workers Right- Werewolf may apply for a Werewolf Workers Right Card. If approved, werewolf pays first installment of 500 galleons, second installment of 50 galleons.

Shopkeepers Privilege- Shopkeepers have the right to deny work to all werewolves (registered or unregistered) unless werewolf has a Ministry appointed Werewolf Workers Right Card.

Assumption of Risk- If plaintiff voluntarily and knowingly hires a werewolf it bars and reduces plaintiffs's right to recovery against a werewolf if werewolf can prove plaintiff knowingly assumed the risks at issue inherent to the dangers of the werewolf.

I continue reading, falling into a familiar pattern as I scribble the torts furiously on my parchment, meticulously highlighting with different colors the torts that need the most work. The issue of Harry slowly slipping away if only for a little while.

* * *

I blink my eyes sleepily, finding complete darkness all around me, my head resting on the pages of a book. It's not the first time that its happen and wont be last. Every time I have fallen asleep here, Harry would come and get me, carry me to the room of requirement so we can sleep.

My heart responds to the thought that even despite his earlier coldness, Harry has still come to get me. I sit up, still sleep muddled, to find a dark mass beside me as I expected.

"Harry," I say with a sleepy loving smile. "you came for me."

I reach out for him eagerly.

"Wrong."

I freeze, my hand stilling in mid air as an icy fear grips my heart. My mind goes blank as I stare up in terror at the figure, the image distorting into a big fat menacing giant towering over me. I react, flinging myself backwards without a sound, bumping my elbow on the corner of the table on the way down. Despite the pain, I don't make a sound.

The towering mass doesn't speak as it normally should. It petrifies me further. It moves closer and I scramble like a crab backwards until I bump harshly against a bookcase.

I press my lips together as I press back against the shelves, the hard edges of books digging into my skin. The mass is upon me. I close my eyes and turn my head away, barely even breathing. Nausea is building up in me, along with a bleakness, a disgust, a horrible debilitating repulsion. I whirl in these oppressive feelings as the mass does nothing.

And then I feel it, something touching my face. I squeeze my eyes tighter, my hands clenched so tightly my nails are digging into my skin. The nausea threatens to spill over and there's only one retreat from this, one way to escape. Harry.

"Potter, open your eyes."

I concentrate on Harry. He's here with me. I can feel him.

"Potter, snap out of it!"

His heart beating in time with mine, or hands clasped tightly, fingers interlaced and were flouting, our naked bodies hovering in a black abyss. Like inside our mother's womb.

"Potter! Oh, sod it..."

I could stay like this forev-Slap!

My head whips to the side with the force of the hit, smacking into the shelf behind. I blink furiously as tears of pain swell in my eyes.

"Shit- didn't mean to hit you that hard." A casual voice drawls not sounding all that apologetic. "Then again you can consider it payback for hitting me in third year."

I know this voice. That pompous drawl marred by a hint of anxiety and that foul arrogant way of speaking can only belong to one.

"Malfoy?" I hiss, my eyes adjusting now to the darkness to make out his tell-tale platinum blond hair.

"Five points to Gryffindor for stating the obvious." I ignore his sarcasm, my eyes noting the blankness of his face and the cod gray eyes fixed on my forehead.

"What are you doing here? It's past curfew, you know." I hiss, wincing at the throbbing pain that suddenly shot through my temple now that my shock wore off.

"I can ask you the same thing, Potter, if I didn't already know that you feel asleep studying like a good little know-it-all. Besides, its my night to do prefect rounds, did you forget? Tsk, tsk, you're losing your touch."

I grit my teeth in annoyance. The insolent smirk on his face makes want to slap him and he's kneeling way to close to me, still trapping me against the bookcase. I huff in annoyance and nearly choke on it as Malfoy's foreign scent invades my nose. He smells nothing like Harry. He smells rich and clean and a hint manly with some cologne.

In all the years I've been at Hogwarts I've never encountered another's male scent like this and it throws me off. I'm used to the smells around me of my housemates. I'm very sensitive to them and I don't mind their scent because it's familiar. Maybe because Malfoy wears an undoubtedly expensive cologne I feel out of my element?

"What? No retort, Pott-"

"Get away from me Malfoy." I push him away as I speak without breathing, about to stand. Two hands clamp down on my shoulders, holding me still and my eyes shoot up to Malfy's face looming over me, a sliver of the moonlight hitting half of his face. His eyes are hard as they meet mine, his mouth sneering down at me. The earlier panic returns at full force as his scent surrounds me again at my gasping breathing.

"Is that anyway to talk to a prefect that just caught you in the library after hours?"

Its ridiculously hard for me to breath. I can't seem to get the air into my lungs properly because his scent is too overwhelming. My throat feels tight, closed off to the point where I can't speak to tell Malfoy to bug off.

I can see him noticing all this and he's watching as if its its an interesting sitcom show. Oh, god, I think I'm going to pass out. I blink away the tears I didn't even know where pooling in my eyes, blurring the whole world.

"You really are losing it, aren't you, Potter? Having panic attacks just from being alone in the dark with a boy whose not your brother. You're really pitiful." Is it my panicked state that makes his voice sound almost tender? The hands on my shoulder slowly rub down my arms and back up in a soothing matter but I know this can't be.

"Get...away..." I gasp out, relieved to be expelling some air not contaminated by his scent. One of his hands leave me and then a sensation runs throughout my body, making a tremor shoot down my spine.

I'm powerless as my whole body relaxes and my breathing returns to normal. Unable to control my relaxed muscles I slump forward right into Malfoy's arms. I know that he used some sort of spell on me, most likely the laxo corpus charm. I'm irrationally mad that Malfoy would actually cast a spell on a fellow prefect even if it is not a dangerous one.

I wish I could push myself off of him but-similar tp pertfiicus totalus- the laxo corpus charm renders the body unable to move, relaxing the muscles to such a state its like becoming boneless, even the tongue can't function so I can't even tell Malfoy off.

"There- much better, right, Potter?" the prat dares to say with that damnable smirk on his face. I wish I can signify in any way how much I would like to turn him back into a ferret. He laughs meanly at my helplessness, his gray eyes alight with joy at my expense. "You know, I like you much better this way. Speechless and pliant." he says nearly startling me out of my skin as his arms wrap around my as he stand up, carrying my like a princess.

I'm in utter disbelief as my head lulls back, and even more so when he reaches out to place my head against his chest and my arms tucked across my stomach so they're not hanging. Then his hand flicks awkwardly in his hand and all my things are neatly packed and levitating in front of us.

I completely don't understand this situation. I fervently wish I had control over at least my voice so I can ask Malfoy what in the world he is playing at? Not only is he semi helping me by forcing my body to relax from its panicked state, but instead of levitating me, he's carrying me like a princess instead of just leaving me there like I would normally expect Malfoy to do.

Everything about this is odd. This goes against Malfoy's typical behavior. I scramble my mind for a reasoning as he carries me down the hallways heading for Gryffindor tower.

His heart beat is a steady thump against my ear. I'm aware of every part of my body touching his. His hands, large hands, with long fingers are against the bare skin of my thighs, the other curled around the slope of my shoulder. I can feel the movement of his legs as he walks. His strides are very long. His body is surprising big. Being in his arm is nothing like being in Harry's. I'm dwarfed here.

Only Harry as ever held me like this. He's carried me as I slept from the library to the Room of Requirements so we can sleep. And when we do our bodies a line perfectly because we just fit together like a matching puzzle piece. Most people think Harry is short because standing next to the tall lanky form of Ronald Weasley Harry seems dwarfed and almost weak looking.

But he's strong. He can easily carry me to the Room of Requirement even if its just a ways down from the library.

Malfoy carries me easily all the way from the library to Gryffindor Tower. The fat lady is snoring away as we approach. My world momentarily turns tospsy turvy as Malfoy maneuvers me so that I'm slumped vertically against the wall next to the portrait hole. As he does this hands trail up my legs, over my back, seemingly everywhere.

If my body wasn't so relaxed I know I'd be having another panic attack. When he's down, Malfoy's enter length is pressed up against me, holding my body up with his. His hard chest is pressed over my own. I'm aware of how different his body is from mine and from Harry's. He's wider, taller, and seemingly stronger. It puts me on edge. It frightens me.

I want Harry.

I want to push him away from me with all my might. My head falls forward to Malfoy's chest and his smell invades me again. I feel disgusted. I wonder if Malfoy is doing this as some sort of punishment or if he's doing this to generally help me. Does he realize how much I hate that he has touched me like this? Does he know how much it makes my skin crawl that his hands have ran up my skin?

No one has ever so much as held my hand other than Harry, let alone put there hand on my waist and wrapped their arms around me.

Malfoy removes one hand to claps my jaw and lift my face up to his.

I can't really make out his expression in this darkness but I can feel his eyes on roaming my face. I want to ask him what he's looking for...why he's holding me like this and why he hasn't let me go yet...

His face slowly descends closer and closer and closer still. I can feel his breath ghosting over my lips and...oh god is he going to kiss me? The thudding of my heart beat is so loud in this darkness. He's breathing pretty fast himself and I hate how we're breathing in each others breaths. And then I can feel him moving closer, past my lips, his cheek sliding against my own and his breathing is stirring my hair. I can feel his hot breath against the shell of my ear. It feels intimate and I hate it.

He hovers there for moment just breathing. Surrounding himself in me as I'm forced to be surrounded by him. That repulsion is back, making me feel nauseous all over again. What is he going to do to me now? What ideas is he coming up with in his head?

And then I feel his lips on my ear.

"Finite."

Malfoy wrenches himself away from me as he says the spell and the sudden release coupled with his sudden departure has me crashing down to the floor along with my stuff that he let fall to the floor.

I look up to find him already down the hall with those massive strides. I scramble through my things for my wand, my greedy fingers curling around it as I point it at Malfoy's back.

My hands are shaking and I know I look a total fright. It's all Malfoy's fault. I want to hex him. Hurt him so bad he'll have to be sent to the hospital wing. I keep my wand trained as best as I can on him with all of my trembling until he turns the corner down the stairs. Even then I still keep my wand up as I force myself to gather my things in case he chose to come back.

I should have hexed him. I should of hexed him.

I keep thinking this as I hurriedly pick up my things with one arm, then speak the password to enter. Only when the portrait hole is closed behind me-fat lady grumbling all the while- do I lower my wand.

I stumble back against the wall of the little tunnel and take a steadying breath. I'm back, safe, in my tower where Harry is close by. Harry. I'm immediately angry at him.

Why didn't he come get me from the library? How could he just go to bed without finding out if I was in the tower or not? And now look what happened...Malfoy...

I shiver as I collapse down onto the sofa in front of the fireplace. For a moment I feel Malfoy's hands roaming up my leg, his body pressed against mine, all over again. My anger intensifies. If Harry had come for me then this wouldn't have happened at all but no-Harry just has to try to distance himself from me.

I turn my head to look at the boys staircase. I'm tempted to go up there and crawl into Harry's bed but I won't. Not tonight.

Let him wake up alone!

I climb up the girls staircase and to my bed. I meticulously put my clothes away and wash myself until I'm satisfied. When I finally crawl into bed, the canopy drapes pulled all around me, I wonder whom is really being punished being alone in their bed.

The answer is an easy one.


	2. Chapter 2

My reflection in the mirror is like a strangers. I blankly stare at myself as I brush my teeth. There's a bruise on my forehead. It sticks out unpleasantly against the paleness of my skin as does the darkness around my eyes. I woke up filled with anger. Some of it is because of Malfoy. Most of it is because of Harry.

I rinse out my mouth, brush my un-manageable hair, grab my things and leave the dorm. No one is awake. It's still quite early-probably about an hour before the early risers get up.

I go to breakfast. Eat without tasting. Mostly I'm thinking. What to do about Harry? Do I ignore him? Give him a taste of his own medicine? Or do I confront him? I want to punish him. I want him to feel guilty for everything he's been putting me through. I want him to feel so bad that he never even thinks of pulling anything like this ever again. Then we can go back to how we used to be.

And Malfoy. Suddenly, I'm at a loss with him. I don't know what to think about him anymore. I had categorized him in my mind the knowledge I gained noting things about him over the years but it all seemed for not. Nothing that I knew about Malfoy ever suggested he would ever have an interest in me. I don't even know what it is that he displayed last night.

The only reason for acting that way would be to harass me in a new sexual way because it certainly couldn't be that he fancied me. I am not the fancying type nor do I want to be. The only type I am is the bullying type but you'd be wrong and sorry to try to bully me. Malfoy has tried which is why I think the only logical reason for invading my personal space after stripping me of all my power is to torment me in a new way that would really hurt me.

People start piling in for breakfast, mostly Ravenclaws. I realize that I'm running out of time in deciding what approach I should take with Harry. In the past before this all happened I know exactly the best way to hurt Harry would be to ignore him. However, for some unknown reason, Harry seems to want me to ignore him-which makes that punishment to not be one at all. In fact, its more of a punishment for me.

More people are coming in. Malfoy is one of them. I watch him as he enters with his lackey's in tow. I grit my teeth at how at ease he looks-not at all feeling ashamed or guilty for what he did. His eyes meet me as he walks to his table and instead of looking away he smirks-smirks- and inclines his head toward me like we're old time pals.

Anger so potent I feel it will literally set this whole castle on fire rages through me. I glare at him and his smirk turns into a lecherous little grin. I shoot up from my seat, startling a few people at the table, and grab my things. I need to get out of there before I duel Malfoy. I'm almost to the entrance doors when they open and I see the only other person that could come close to the hatred I feel for Malfoy.

"Oh, Hermione!" Ginny Wealsey says, breaking off from her friends with a quick word and walking right up to me. She looks beautiful as always with her long, thick red hair, nicely shaped legs.

I want to just pretend I didn't hear her- give her a snub and walk right on by- but I can't as she steps right in front of me.

"You're down here already? Harry has been waiting for you back in the common room. Though, I think my brother was starting to convince him to leave when I left. He'd bug Harry all day if he missed breakfast waiting for you."

"Well no one told him he had to wait with Harry. He could have just come down by himself!" I snap. The nerve of these Weasley's as if its my fault they have an incessant need to follow Harry around!

Ginny gives me an odd look.

"Well, of course he'd wait with Harry, they're best mates. You go to eat meals with your best mates." She talks to me as if this is the most obvious thing in the world. As if the concept would be foreign to me since I so obviously don't have any best friends.

My hands clench at my sides and I want to hex her pretty face with a million boils. I walk away from her without another word.

"Oh, by the way," she calls after me as I force my feet to stop, "I don't know if Harry has told you this already, but he's coming to our house for Christmas break this year."

I spin around, busy hair hitting my face, as I stomp back to her. She doesn't outwardly seem smug, but the look in her eyes is one of triumph.

"What," I screech, feeling my heart plummet a thousand miles in my chest. She smiles, a factitious upturn of her lips.

"Yeah, mum wrote Ron telling him to invite Harry over for Christmas break and he said he'd love to go if you can come as well. Mum said yes to you both but if you don't feel comfortable going-"

"Of course I'd love to come. I won't feel uncomfortable at all." Bitch.

"Oh, brilliant then. I'll tell mum you said yes."

I turn around stiffly. I've never been angrier at my brother than in this moment. I'm so angry I don't know what to do. I'm so angry I could cry.

I leave with no destination in mind. Christmas. With the Weasley's. I see what Harry wants now. He wants to be a part of the Weasley family. He wants Ginny to like him, he wants Ron to be like his brother. He wants to be a part of that loving family. He wants more than me. He wants to not need me.

"Are you going to cry, Potter? Did Weaslette tell you she's tying the knot with your brother?"

I don't freeze up when I hear his voice this time. I don't care. My blood is boiling. My heart is tearing. I want to hurt someone. I want someone to hurt me.

He glides up to me with that infuriating smirk. I glare up at him with eyes full of hate. Suddenly I'm in his face without a care to height difference.

"You're a loathsome little ferret. You're pathetic. There's not a person in this planet that gives a shit about you except for you deranged mother-"

"Shut the hell up, Potter, before you say something you'll regret." Malfoy's voice is low, dangerous.

"I hate you Malfoy. Everybody hates you. Even your mother must hate you a little too since you look so much like daddy dearest-"

Malfoy's hands are in me in a second, pushing me harshly against the wall. I'm prepared though with my wand digging into his neck.

"Then it looks like you and I are one and the same then, aren't we? No one hear can stand you anymore than they can stand me. Even your precious brother wants to get away from you, isn't that right? Trading you in for that Wealsey lot. It's hilarious-"

"Say another word about..." I hiss, just aching to hex him six ways to hell. "At least my father isn't a death eater rotting away in Azkaban. At least the legacy of my family isn't something people whisper about behind their hands and I can walk around freely in public. What has your mother been doing all by herself in that big lonely manor? It's shocking she hasn't just killed herself alre-"

I'm not prepared when Malfoy physically lifts me up with both hands to slam me back against the wall again and again. I see stars for a moment before I remember the wand in my hand. I cast a shield that repels Malfoy away harshly and I'm sickly satisfied when his head slams with an audible sound against the hard floors.

He groans from the floor, his head probably throbbing just as badly as my own. I keep my wand trained on him at all times as he slowly sits up, rubbing his head and wincing when he touches a sore spot.

"You don't get to push me around again." I spit, making him glare up at me.

"What? Disgusted that someone else other than your precious brother has touched you?"

"Shut your mouth about Harry, Malfoy, or I-"

"What, Potter? Gonna go on about my mother? You're such a bloody hypocrite!"

"You're the one who started it!" I bellow. He's up from the floor in a split second and I eye him suspiciously.

"And I'm going to finish it." His voice sounds deadly, his face so cold and serious. I don't really understand what he means. "You'll want to watch out. I know your weakness now. I remember how you froze up like a pathetic little fawn last night. Trembling like a leaf from me just touching you."

"If you try that _ever_ again Malfoy, I'll tell the headmaster and have you expelled."

"Oh relax, Potter. You make it sound like I raped you...actually I was doing you a favor." His smirk is begging to be slapped off.

"You not only backed me up into a bookcase, you rendered me immobile and than had fun putting your filthy hands all over me and getting all in my space!"

"Oh stop being such a virgin! So I felt your leg! Big fucking deal! I didn't grab your breasts or finger your pussy!"

"Shut up! You made me feel powerless. You did all those things on your own. You could have just left me alone! I didn't need your help! And now you say you know my weakness. What are you planning on corning me again in some dark place and raping me?"

I blanch as Malfoy outright laughs in my face.

"You think way to highly of yourself! I would never be able to get it up with you. That thing on top of your head alone is enough to turn me off not to mention that hole in your face. You sound like McGonagall." He shivers dramatically.

A sense of relief floods through me. I don't want ever Malfoy lusting after me.

"So then why did you practically kiss me last night? What was that at the portrait hole?"

Something in Malfoy's face changes and turns dark, almost lecherous. It makes me take a step back and grip my wand tighter. He moves closer and I erect another shield in between us so he can't get too close to me. He gives a darkly amused look at this but walks all the way up to it.

"It was dark in that hallway, wasn't it? So I couldn't see your hair, and you were conveniently unable to talk..."

He stares at my face, reading the horrified look in my eyes before he starts to walk away.

"Watch yourself Potter. If I ever catch you that vulnerable again..."

My shield falls as soon as he's out of sight. I stand there blankly for a moment. My nerves are beyond frazzled. I don't understand Malfoy. I don't understand Harry.

I go to class that is thankfully without Slytherins but unfortunately has Harry. He's waiting for me outside the classroom with an annoyed Ronald Wealsey by his side. Something in me snaps at the sight of them. Can Harry no longer be without a Weasley by his side? Can he not stand to be alone with me anymore?

When he sees me he immediately stands up from the wall and his careful expression immediately irks me further. I'm trembling, my emotions running wild. In this moment I think I hate him a little bit. He must see this because his eyes are now no longer cautious but worried.

"Hermione?" he starts to head toward me but I point my wand at him and erect the same shield with Malfoy on him. Behind him, Ronald lets out a loud Oy!

I let all the betrayal, all my anger and pain show on my face because I can't hide it from him. He watches, his green eyes wide on the other side of the shield and I can see it on his face that he knows he messed up, he just can't fathom right now how much, he has no idea.

"Stay away from me." I whisper it with a trembling voice as my eyes glare into his. I'm serious and he knows it. He opens his mouth to speak, his hands outstretched in begging manner but I turn away and enter the classroom to quickly sit in an almost full table beside Lavender and Parvati so he cant sit next to me.

Harry and Ron immediately follow and I see Harry start to come over to me but Professor McGonagall is in front of the classroom ready to start the lesson in less then thirty seconds when the clock strikes nine.

Harry's hand clamps down on my shoulder and I instinctively jerk away and practically fall on Lavender.

"Hermione-" Harry sounds so hurt but I'm beyond the point of reaching.

"Mr. Potter! Please take your seat! Class is starting now." I glare at Harry expectantly, ready for him to go sit down.

I'm infinitely surprised when he turns those green eyes on to the professor even as his hand grips onto my upper arm.

"I need to talk to my sister." He demands, his voice brooking no room for argument.

"Mr. Potter! You can talk to Ms. Potter after class." I wrench out of his grip again.

"Go sit down, Harry!" I hiss, completely appalled. All of the eyes of the classroom are staring at us with disbelief and I feel mortified. His eyes flick to mine.

"No." He says and I don't know if its to me or Professor McGonagall. He pulls me up and out of my seat before I can even blink dragging us away.

"Mr. Potter! Mr. Potter unhand Ms. Potter and take your seat at once or it'll be a fifty points from Gryffindor and detention for a month!"

Harry doesn't even pause as he drags us out. I try to get out but his grip just tightens. The door to the classroom slams shut behind us to deter Professor McGonagall's pursuit for us.

"Harry, let me go right now!" I screech shocked and infuriated by his behavior but Harry is ignoring me two as he uses his free hand to whip out his invisibility cloak. I try to us this as a chance to break away but Harry is too fast, pulling me into him and wrapping us both in the invisibilty cloak just as the door burst open and a pissed off McGonagall steps out.

I'm about to open my mouth to speak but Harry has managed to wrap one arm around my waist to grip my wrist as the other wraps around my shoulder to cover my mouth.

Professor McGonagall stomps down the hallway as Harry pulls us back to the far side of the wall. Some students are peeking their heads out the door to stare after McGonagall.

When McGonagall reaches the end of the hall she looks around for us with visible anger before she bellows out 'fifty points from Grynffindor!' Quickly she turns back and heads into her classroom, ordering the students back into their seats with notable bite as the door slams shut.

Harry doesn't let me go so I struggle in his grasp, trying to awkwardly elbow his side.

"Hermione, stop, stop! Listen to me, alright?" I continue to struggle, making it clear that I would not be listening to him. I feel him sigh. "Okay, I tried to be nice. Silencio!"

I cry out in indignation which obviously makes no sound. Harry lets go of my mouth and whips off the invisibility cloak, still keeping a tight grip on my wrist. I can't believe his audacity as I spin around to face him. I want to hit him but know that I never would. I point at my mouth and then at the door but Harry just shakes his head as he stuffs the invisibility cloak back in his back and fixes his askew glasses.

"No, I'm not taking off the silencing spell and we're not going back to class. We need to talk."

He starts off again, dragging me along behind him. I'm beyond infuriated...in fact I've just become numb with shock staring at Harry's back. Harry peeks back at me and I balefully meet his gaze. He frowns and speeds up his pace.

We're in front of the Room of Requirement a moment later. He holds onto me still as he thinks up a room for it to change into. When the door appears, he quickly enters dragging us inside. It's the same room that we've been coming to since we learned of this rooms existence, one that we made up together when we both yearned for a place to sleep.

It's much like the Gryffindor Common room. Cozy with a red and gold pattern but with a nice queen sized bed in the middle along with book cases and quidditch gear and supplies.

The door to the room slowly shrinks away but I wish for it back so I can make a run for it as soon as Harry lets me go. I can't stand to be around him right now. Not with my back still throbbing after Malfoy bashed me against the wall and not after all the times Harry has pushed me away. Harry drags me over to an armchair and pushes me down into it.

I glare at him and immediately make to stand but Harry just flicks his wand and the arms of the arm chair wrap around me, holding me down. Another flick and the silencing spell on me is cancelled.

"Let me go right now Harry!" I screech as I thrash in the chair. I am thoroughly tired of being pushed around and manhandled. "I ha-"

"Don't!" His voice sounds pained and I stop to look at him. He meets my eyes with ones that are pain filled and sorry but I don't feel any sympathy. "Don't look at me like that. Tell me what I did, Her-"

"Should I start with how you've treated me like garbage all year?" I easily break in, suddenly ready for this fight, ready to lay it into him. "How you pushed me away and left me to dry without a real explanation, without any reason! You made me feel unloved! Who will love me if you don't, Harry? No one!"

"No, Hermione, don't say that! Of course I love you! You're being ridic-"

"Don't you dare! Don't call me ridiculous! It's the way _you_ made me feel! You chose the Wealsey's over me! You let Ginny Weasley feel superior to me in regard to your affections. And then to add some more insult to injury it had to be her to tell me that you decided to go to the Weasley's for Christmas!"

"I knew that's what this is all about. Listen Hermione, the Weasley's-"

"Stop right there. Don't you dare defend the Weasley's in front of me." My voice is dangerous, cold as ice. Harry blinks at me, thrown by tone of voice before his face too gets cold.

"You're being petty, Hermione. Immature-" I ignore him, refusing to hear his words as I talk over him- a competition on who can talk over who.

"You don't know what you're talking about-"

"You're jealous and that's making you act unreasonable-"

"Shut up right now, Harry! Shut up!"

Harry's fist slams down on the table he's perched on, his green eyes giving me a disappointed fed up glare.

"I will not shut up! You need to get over this thing you have for them because they've been nothing but kind to you and you've just thrown it back in there faces!"

"You're choosing them over me! You want to be a part of that family! Do you think I can't see what's in your heart? You'l let yourself be shackled by that Ginny and entertain the notion of some ridiculous romance just so you can cuddly hugs from that cow Molly and feel all warm inside during Christmas time!"

"And what's wrong with that, Hermione? It's what normal people have, what normal people want!"

"But you already have me!**"** I scream. I can feel my throat tightening up, all the hurt and pain feeling too much. "You're trading me for them!"

"No I'm not. The Weasley's treat you-"

"Oh don't be stupid Harry," I bite, glaring at him. "The Weasley's will never like me like they like you. Ginny can't stand the sight of me and I hate that loud mouthed dolt Ronald and he can't stand my smart mouth. I can't pretend to like Molly and treat her like my mum so we'd never get close and I can't stand that Arthur is the Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office but can't even pronounce a telephone correctly."

"It's like you're just making excuses! You've never _tried_ to like anyone, Hermione, you've never even given them a try."

"I'm not going to play house with the Weasley's, Harry! We're not Weasley's, we're Potter's!"

"And tell me, how great has it been being Potter's, huh? We have nothing!"

"We have each other!"

Harry opens him mouth, and I catch that flash that passes in his eyes. Understanding dawns. The fear that I always expected has come and I cannot deny anymore what the anger inside me was trying to burn away.

"I'm not enough. You want more. I'm not enough." It is the cold hard truth. Harry shakes his head as if I'm wrong but we both know I'm not. He sighs and gazes at me tiredly.

"You know I love you more than anybody else. I just don't know what you want from me Hermione."

"You know _exactly_ what I want from you Harry but if you want to deny it all, play house with Ginny and those Weasley's be my guest!"

An anguished look steals across Harry's face but it doesn't reach me. He can't reach me anymore.

"It's wrong." He can't look at me. Fine.

"Kill me then," I say. Harry winces but doesn't grant my remark a response. "It be the nicest thing you've ever done for me."

"Shut the fuck up, Hermione."

"Malfoy attacked me today." My eyes are boring into him as his finally rise to mine. "And last night he made my muscles relax so I couldn't move and then he ran those hands on my body and nuzzled my face. I have a bruise right near my temple from when Malfoy slapped me across my face and I banged my head on the shelf behind me. There's probably bruises on my back from when he lifted me in the air and slammed me repeatedly against the wall."

"_What_?"

I gaze at him coolly, almost disgustedly, noting the trembling in his hands.

"He basically told me he'd rape me and you weren't there to protect me."

"Why haven't you reported him? Got him kicked out!"

"Oh come on Harry! What's the worst that can happen if I told? He has the board of education in his pocket because of his inheritance. He gets a few detentions and that it. Besides none of it would have happened if you hadn't decided you didn't want me anymore. I wouldn't have been alone and vulnerable. I would have been asleep in bed with you. All I can do is try to be as prepared as possible for when Malfoy makes another move probably sometime during Christmas time and since I'll be here alone-

"You're going to the Weasley's!"

"No I'm not! I told you, you can play pretend all you want-"

"Hermione, I'll make you go. I'll stupefy you if I have to." His voice is deadly serious, his gaze fierce, commanding. Normally this tone does strange things to me, makes me fold to his will but not this time.

I want him to feel more. I want him to hurt, to feel fear, regret.

I stare up at him, eyes and voice blank.

"Maybe I'll just let Malfoy do it."

Harry freezes. His whole body not moving as if I just petrified him. He eyes slowly rise to mine, dark and dangerous.

"Say that again." His voice is low and practically growling, unlike I've ever heard it before. I suppress a shiver and keep my gaze steady.

"I'll let Malfoy do it."

The arms of the chair are gone and I'm suddenly in Harry's bruising grip as he hauls me over to the bed. I'm winded as he throws me down and then climbs on top of me. With one hand he has my hands held tightly over my head the other is wrapped around my throat. His legs are pinning my own down but I'm not trying to fight him.

Behind his spectacles, Harry's eyes are wide and mad, his lips bared back in a snarl. It's darker in the room like all the warmth has been sucked out with Harry's anger. I meet his eyes with my own challenging one, staring up in this darkness fearlessly as his grip tightens. Soon I'm gasping for air, sucking in greedy breathes filled with Harry's scent.

"So you'll just let Malfoy do it? I'd rather kill you." he hisses. My heart is like a dying fish against the shore beating in my chest with sick anticipation. Harry releases my hands but before I can reach out to try to touch him, shackles appear from the bed and latch around my wrists.

Harry's grip around my throat loosens slightly but its still a threatening presence as his other hand snakes down the curve of my neck and over my chest. His eyes are lost in a swirl of madness, I can feel his frustration with just his eyes. I suck in a sharp breath as his hand sneaks underneath my shirt, up my stomach and under the cups of my bra. I throw my head back as Harry cups my breast, my skin is singing under his hand, my nipple tightening to two hard peaks as his other releases my throat to touch to push my breast together.

This is what I love about Harry. When he loses control like this...there is nothing more thrilling.

He's breathing so heavily. His face is wild now with heady lust. He pushes up my shirt as if annoyed that it dared to be in his way. I can feel the hot puffs of air on my skin as he lowers his head to capture my nipple into his mouth. I throw my head back, barely believing, letting out a loud gasp as my senses overload. Harry sucks on my nipple harshly and I can feel his tongue touching the peaks, feel his teeth. It's like he wants to devour me bit by bit. Needs to taste me or he'll go mad.

My hips jerk in arousal, responding to Harry's need with equal fervor. Harry's answering moan makes my eyes flutter open to look at him. He looks up at me through his fringe- strong, fierce, beautiful and hungry. He looks positively feral with my nipple in his mouth. He smirks before he lets my nipple go, sliding his tongue across my pushed up breast to circle around my other nipple, blowing on it before sucking it into his mouth. I whimper, holding tight to the bonds tied around my wrist at the pleasure that mounts my entire being. His eyes close at the sound and I think I see him shiver.

I'm panting. I want him so badly its frightening. Never before have I ever felt this way. I can tell he feels the same.

However, slowly and to my utter disappointment and horror I start to see a shift in his eyes. He releases my nipple, slowly raising his torso up to stare down at me. I can only imagine what I look like. Hands bound, shirt pulled up, at his mercy. I can see the lust start to fade from his eyes to something completely different.

His pierce my gaze with that anguished, regretful, self-hatred and I know what he's going to do.

"No, Harry." I say as he lays his forehead down between my breast and releases an almighty breath. I wish his legs weren't still pinning mine down or I'd wrap them around his waist to keep him here.

"Fuck!"

"Don't stop now Harry! I want this! I want this!"

A shiver rolls down Harry's spine but he takes his hands out of my shirt none-the-less. He stays hunched over my like this for a minute and now I'm in anguish too.

"No." he says finally with resolve in his voice. He pushes off of me and off the bed, turning away and thrusting his hands into his hair as he breathes deeply.

"I'll go to Malfoy-"

"No you won't. You said that to manipulate me and it worked but I went too far. You're gonna go to Dumbledore or McGonagall and you're going to let them know what happened with Malfoy-"

"No-" I start indignantly but Harry whips around to glare at me fiercely.

"You're going to do it Hermione!" His command weighs down heavily on me. I look away, glaring harshly at the bed post. Damn those green eyes. Damn Him.

Harry sighs and lets the shackles fall as he goes to sit on the couch, wanting put distance between us. I sit up and rub my wrists.

"You're a coward."

"Enough, Hermione." he sounds tired but it only angers me further.

"How many times are you going to do this to me Harry? How many times do you think you can leave me high and dry? What if your game works? What if I get tired of this and fall in love with someone else?"

"It's the right thing to do."

"I hope it kills you inside." I hiss as I righten my clothes. "But since I know that will never happen it's only going to kill me."

"Just stop, Hermione." Harry lets his head fall back onto the sofa with his eyes closed. I stand and glare over at him.

"It's never going to work, you know, Harry. You can't go off and have a little happy family with the Weasley's and have me too. You and I don't work that way. And If you do go off with the Weasley girl and I do go off with some guy we'll both be driven mad with jealousy."

"If you're ready then let's go. Since McGonagall is made at me we should just tell Dumbledore. He'll be able to do more anyway." He ignores my words completely. Fine. So be it.

"It's Professor McGonagall and Headmaster Dumbledore and I already told you neither of them will be able to do much of anything. Malfoy will get detention and that's it."

"Don't fight me on this Hermione. We're going." He glares at me pointedly in front of the door. There's only been a few times when Harry has gotten this way. Controlling. Dominating. He whips out this persona whenever he thinks I'm doing something harming to myself.

I want to be defiant. I'm angry, hurt and still aching for him. He is not being fair.

There have been plenty of times that Harry has touched me. He was the one who started demanding that I kiss him on the lips way before we even entered Hogwarts. It was him that demanded that I sneak in to sleep with him in that tiny little cupboard underneath the stairs. It was Harry who started french kissing me in third year. It was Harry who told me to stay away from boys like Victor Krum in fourth year.

And now it is Harry trying to undo all that he's done. Trying to deny all the urges he caged up inside. It started this summer. He put a halt on everything, leaving no room for us to progress even when we are in love with each other.

"From now on you shouldn't walk around the halls by yourself. You'll wait for me or Ron. Any Gryffindor boy in our year should be safe to walk with you...except for Cormac. Don't go anywhere with Cormac. Ever."

I don't answer him as we make our way. We're not to far from the office now since class is still going on.

"I'm going to miss not only Transfiguration but Ancient Runes now because of you, Harry." He waves me off.

"You're already way ahead of schedule in both classes. Besides this is much more important. If Malfoy is up to something I want it to be nipped in the ass before it can grow."

We walk in silence until we come up to the Gargoyle and I deliver the password, making the staircase appear. We ascend, my heart beating wildly in my chest. As we come to the door Dumbledore's voice wafts over us allowing us in.

"Harry, Hermione. What excellent timing. I was just going to send someone to get you both."

Malfoy is sitting upon one of the cushiony chairs with a smirk already in place on his face. Harry visibly tenses and I naturally lay a hand on his arm to hold him in place. I know just the sight of Malfoy's face is enough to make him explode.

"What is that git doing here?" He growls out, eyes not looking away from Malfoy's own smug ones.

"Draco is here to confess his wrong doing against Hermione. I was just about to get you because I wanted to hear your side of the story, Hermione." Dumbledore calmly peers over at me from above his spectacles.

"Go ahead, tell him, Hermione." Harry grits out.

My eyes flick to Draco's and his damnable slow perusal of me. I feel a flush of embarrassment. How to go about telling the Headmaster what happened. It sounds so...awkward. I clear my throat.

"I fell asleep last night in the library- completely by accident, Headmaster, I assure you-and Malfoy startled me. I couldn't see whom stood in front of me so I panicked and Malfoy slapped my face to bring me back."

I can practically feel Harry's eyes burning holes into me.

"I got intimidated again so Malfoy charmed me with laxo corpus and carried me back to the Gryffindor Entrance. After that..." I swallow feeling nervous. "Malfoy held me against the wall and whispered finite. The next day I saw Malfoy and we had a dispute in the hall. He lifted me up with his hands and banged me against the wall twice until I conjured a shield between us-"

"And this dispute. What was it about?" I blushed ashamed

"I said some notably petty things about his family to get back him for saying things about Harry. I apologize for that, sir. I was being immature." I look away to the floor.

"But Malfoy-" Dumbledore silences Harry by holding up his hand giving him a stern look.

"Continue Hermione."

"After that Malfoy said 'Watch yourself Potter. If I ever catch you vulnerable again...' he didn't say anything after that but it made me feel like he was threatening me."

"I see, I am sorry you felt that way, Hermione." Dumbledore sits back in his seat looking back and forth between Draco and I. "Draco admitted to the very same thing you said. I have to say I am disappointed in your behavior Mr. Malfoy given that you are a fellow prefect. Since your slight is on Ms. Potter, I will let her decide your punishment."

I freeze, shocked that Dumbledore would allow such a thing. I had expected him to at worst, strip him of his badge and put him in detention. With this option, however, I can choose to get Malfoy expelled and there is no reason I shouldn't.

I look over at Harry. He gazes back at me expectantly, triumph already in his eyes that the rotten ferret would be gone. I look back over at Draco and he's watching me coolly, as if uncaring however which way the situation goes.

I take a deep breath. I think for a second on how I felt that night when he breathed in my scent and whispered finite in my ear almost like a confession. I think about the disgust I felt at his proximity, at his scent invading all my senses.

"Hermione, what are you waiting for-"

"Harry, please, it is Hermione's decision." Harry glares defiantly at the headmaster but shuts his mouth, returning to glaring at me.

Nothing made Harry angrier than Malfoy. I can feel his anger at my mere hesitation. If I were to allow Malfoy to stay...well he's fury would be unstoppable.

My eyes harden and I raise my eyes to the Headmaster and speak.

"I want Malfoy to serve detention for a month and I want him to stay far away from me. If he ever touches me maliciously again I want the reassurance that he will be expelled. That's all."

"What!" Harry hisses, reaching out as if to grab me before he stops himself mid reach.

"As you wish Ms. Potter. I can assure you that he will be. If you wait a moment I will write you a slip and you can head off to class as for you Mr. Malfoy an owl will come to you at dinner with the details of your detentions, you are dismissed. Mr. Potter I ask that you wait outside since I have a different order of business regarding you forcibly removing your sister out of Transfiguration this morning that has to be dealt with."

Malfoy stands and my eyes flick to his to find his eyes on me as he moves, completely unreadable. I can feel Harry's glare on the side of my face like the heat of the sun scorching my skin, fists tensed at his sides. His mind must be racing with all sorts of things, drawing conclusions, making assumptions. For a moment I wonder if he will pull a stunt like he did this morning over again and just drag me out of the room and back to the Room of Requirement to finish what he started- giving not one damn for what anyone else has to say.

The tension in the air puts me on edge but its oddly gratifying. If I'm feeling this way than I know Harry must be too.

Malfoy exists the room and a thick silence follows the click of the door. I focus my gaze on nothing until finally Dumbledore speaks.

"Mr. Potter, if you would wait outside."

I look up to catch his expression but he turns and stomps away before I can see. Dumbledore does not speak again until the click of the door closing sounds.

"Hermione, I know that your decision will not make your brother happy, however, I do believe you made the correct one."

I don't respond as he writes a quick word onto a piece of paper.

"You can tell Harry to come in as you leave. Here you are." He hands me the slip of paper, his eyes peering kindly up at her. I take hold but Dumbledore holds on fast.

"I hope that whatever reason Harry took you out of class has been resolved. It seemed to be a very prudent issue."

"Oh, yes. It has been Headmaster."

"Good."

I'm antsy to get out and away from Dumbledore's stare. I say a quick goodbye and go, hoping he takes my hasty departure as me just being embarrassed by the whole thing.

Harry is pacing in the halls as I enter, his face dark and intense. I open my mouth prepared to fight off the verbal lashing I knew he has been dying to give me but he just brushes right by me, not glancing in my direction once.

I sigh but walk on. Let Harry be angry with me. I want him to be. His anger cannot compare to mine nor does the biting sting of betrayal I feel toward him.

I walk pass a dark alcove when a hand shoots out from its depths to pull me inside. Instantly I struggle, heart palpitating in my chest as my capture whispers Silencio on me. His scent washes over me first freezing my movements, enabling him to reach inside my robe and slip out my wand.

"Relax, Potter," He says as he loosens his grip on me enough so that I can turn around and see his face. It's dark in this niche but not dark enough that I can't see the easy smirk on his face or the slight amusement in his eyes. I want to yell at him but the silencing spell renders that option futile.

I'm not scared; Malfoy's demeanor is not threatening but I can't help but think that I might have perhaps made a mistake in allowing him to stay since his first course of action after that is to get me alone in a dark small space.

"We need to talk."


	3. Chapter 3

I gaze up at his face for a moment before using all the force I had in my body to push him away. If I could speak I would tell him that silencing a person and then saying we need to talk was hypocritical to say the least. It obviously would only be a one sided conversation.

"Eh, no need for violence. I'm not going to hurt you Potter..."

I don't like the look on his face-he looks too pleased, as if something had gone horribly right for him. I know the look might be coming from me letting him off the hook but something instinctual tells me its something more. I want to tell him to bugger off but I can't not when he has my wand.

Oh well, I can always just leave it and head back to Headmaster Dumbledore's office. I'd get it back once Malfoy is expelled.

I move forward toward the entrance of the curtain but Malfoy's hand on my arm stops me. I turn to give him my most perturbed glare which seems to have no effect on him.

"You're going to want to listen to me, Potter." He says so seriously I am struck with the sense to believe him. I hesitate and he jumps on that hesitation. "I'll take off the silencing charm, just don't leave yet."

I huff, annoyed at him and myself because I actually stay put. He says the counter-curse with a wave of his wand.

"What do you want?" Malfoy smirks at my biting tone and I am disturbingly hyper aware of his hand still on my arm and his proximity. I shuffle back away. I need my personal space.

"First, why didn't you have me expelled there, Potter?"

Instant anger rushes through me. I want to be away from Malfoy and I'm sick of his presence.

"You got me to stay only because you said you had something to say that I would want to hear. I'm not about to stay here and play twenty questions with you Malfoy-"

"Easy, Potter. It's just a good thing that you didn't." He moves in closer, one step with his long legs easily undoing the distance I had created. I'm uncomfortable with him close to me. I hate that his scent is now something that I know. It's practically suffocating me in this darkness. I wasn't afraid before but my heart has picked up and my palms are now sweaty.

I clench my hands and try to not breath him in so much. Malfoy pauses and looks me over.

"You...you're an odd one, Potter. You act so tough but then you shake like a fawn whenever I get close to you. Is that something that happens only with me?"

"Malfoy," I bite out, glad my voice doesn't tremble. I am disturbingly reactive in a spot like this and I hate it. Hate is always better than fear and I let it fuel me. "I am this close to going right back to Dumbledore's office and having you expelled!"

"I'm not hurting you, I'm just standing here. You can't have me expelled for that. If I were you I'd be more concerned with this obvious weakness. But that's not why I wanted to talk to you I just wanted to tell you something."

Malfoy takes one more deliberate step forward, bending his head down so his lips are near my ear. I am frozen solid, seizing to breath altogether, and I hear the barely audible chuckle come from the depths of Malfoy, sounding more like a purr. All my nerve endings have seemed to flood to my neck, making me flinch slightly away from him since I felt too sensitive. Malfoy's arm come up to loosely cage me in so I can hear his whispered words.

"I know your secret."

He moves away and I stare up at him with abject horror, unable to say a word. The expression on his face can only be described as triumphant.

"I'll be seeing you... Hermione."

* * *

The paranoia I feel at Malfoy's departing words is so great that it takes me a few days to notice the infinitesimal difference in Harry's behavior.

As Harry's leg fidgets up and down I reach out and place my hand on top of his leg to still him again, realizing that I have been doing that a lot lately, stopping him from fidgeting around like some child.

I pull my nose out from my textbook to really look him over, noting his eyes don't quite meet mine and he jerkily moves his leg away from my touch.

I know that things haven't been well between us and I keep waiting for him to tear into me for letting go but he has yet to say or do anything. It's odd. And now this strange anxious behavior as if he is late for some important appointment.

"What is the matter with you?" I lean over to whisper harshly, careful to keep my voice down in the library.

Harry gazes over at me quickly before looking away and reaching out to pick up the strap to his rucksack. We were supposed to be doing our homework-something I have been throwing myself into to distract from the fear that stirred within me whenever I thought about Malfoy- however, Harry hadn't even bothered unpacking his books. The fact that I hadn't notice is a testament to my own state of mind.

"Nothing," He says lamely as he stands. I watch feeling put out that he's leaving when he had only been here for less than an hour.

"Where are you going? I thought you wanted to study until practice-"

"I can't concentrate. I'm going for a fly. I'll be back later to walk you down to the Great Hall."

I open my mouth to demand that he stay but he's gone in the next second, leaving me to stare after him pathetically. I close my mouth disgruntled when my mind flashes to that time in the room of requirement- to Harry's face when he loomed above me, eyes glazed and fixated on my chest before he lowered his mouth to suck on my breast.

I shiver as I turn back to my books. I want more. I want more of him.

Harry's behavior that day was in no way a shock to me. I know the darkness that lurks under the surface, it's the same one that's under mine. I think about him as I idly flip through the pages of my text. What would it be like if Harry lost control completely? I let my mind wander to places its never been before as I imagine us together.

I don't know how much time passes until I catch his foreign scent. It's not as if he wears a lot of cologne so I don't understand why it always overwhelms me but it does. I tense up, raise my head to find him sitting before me sitting in the seat Harry had vacated before and just looking at me.

I blink, my heart plummeting as Malfoy's lips stretch into that confident little smirk of his. There's something about the way his eyes are looking at me that sets me on edge. I can't read them but I know enough from my own dark thoughts that whatever he's thinking about as he looks at me is nefarious.

"What were you thinking about so intensely there, Potter? You had this odd look on your face..."

I blush, mortified that my thoughts had been perverse as Malfoy had been watching me wondering what I was thinking. If he had cast legilimency on me...

"Were you thinking about me?" he asks, his voice low. I balk at him, mortification giving rise to anger.

"I would _never_ think about you, Malfoy-!" I begin hotly until Malfoy easily cuts me off.

"That's a lie. You've been thinking about me a lot lately haven't you?" He moves in closer, his voice almost tender as he speaks. "I've been watching you, Potter. You've been obsessing about what I know and what I'll do with it. Will I spill it to the school or exploit you for it?"

I move away, pressing as far back as possible in the confines of my chair.

"I'm not afraid of you Malfoy-"

His eyes are piercing as he looks at me.

"Aren't you?"

Yes, yes, I am.

"I'm not!" I hiss reaching down to grab my wand and point it in his face. "Now get away from me."

He leans back but doesn't make to get up, seemingly completely at ease with my wand pointed at him.

"You're not fooling me at all, Potter. I know you better than you can imagine, better than you even know yourself. Your words are always at complete odds with your actions."

"Leave me alone or I'll hex you." I hiss with deadly seriousness. I want him away. I'm utterly sick of Malfoy's face, of his intentions that I can't figure out, of his damn smell that assails me without fail. Malfoy was never meant to be anything other than nothing in my life and I don't like his sudden invasion.

"I'm not going to do that."

"I mean it Malfoy!"

"Why are you trembling so much, Hermione?"

"Don't push me!"

"I'll push as far as I want to."

I get ready to hex him, the words right on the tip of my tongue but Malfoy moves quicker, his hand reaching out to clamp down on my wrist and raise my wand up so the hex is released to the ceiling. I give an involuntary whimper at the tight grip he has on my wrist as he plucks my wand and wrenches almost out of my seat so we're face to face.

"What is you problem? Why won't you just leave me alone?" I cry with anger, exasperation, desperation, fear. I twist my hand in his, trying to get free, raising my other hand to pry off his fingers when he grips that one brutally too, his face close enough to mine that we're sharing air again.

"I can't, Hermione. You...you've ruined my life and you don't even know it."

"What are you talking about-?"

"So I'm not going to leave you alone-"

"What is going on here?" Madame Pince's voice cuts through like a knife, shrill to my eardrums. "You two have caused enough racket! Get out! Go!"

Malfoy's grip loosens enough so I can break out of his hold, quickly piling my stuff in my bag as Madame Pince urges us out. I don't look at either of them as I rush away but I can feel Malfoy right behind me.

He wants to continue this, he's practically riding my heels so I can't bolt but I'm done. As soon as I step outside I twirl around and hex him, his eyes going wide just before my confundus spell hits him.

I take off in the next second for Gryffindor tower. I don't want to run into Malfoy again. I don't know what will happen the next time he manages to corner me. There are so many questions to be answered that I want to know but the idea of actually having to face Malfoy again to get them is unpleasant.

I sink down into an armchair in the common room, ignoring the eyes that follow me as I move. I do not often sit in the common room for exactly this reason but I don't feel like looking myself up in the room either.

With a sigh I open up my books again, needing to distract myself from the rest of the world. There's still an anxious on edge feeling that I want to go away as I began to pick up where I left off in my studies.

I force myself to concentrate even as my mind continues to try to drift. I will admit the subject of Giant wars is not exactly riveting. I decide to put it aside for now and read ahead when a name catches my eye in the text; a Casimir Malfoy. I pause stupidly surprised to see a Malfoy name in history books. Of course there would be some Malfoy's in history, the name was old and infamous.

According to the book, this Malfoy was a major figure in overthrowing the giant uprising that had been terrorizing Britain and even wrote some of the laws still intact today regarding giants to restrain and contain them to certain parts.

Curiously I wondered more about the Malfoy lineage. I remember hearing that Malfoy's father used to be a man of high position in the ministry but after his incarceration during the first wizarding war his reputation was tarnished. I wondered idly what that meant for Draco. Did he bare the sins of his father in the eyes of others or did his name alone still carry enough weight to make him powerful?

I know he still has a ton of money but I never really bothered to figure out where it was all coming from. Surely the ministry had seized hold of Lucius Malfoy's assets on account of him being a murdering death eater and Narcissa Black couldn't possibly be generating enough revenue to continue their lavish lifestyle. Yet, they still managed to live in Malfoy manor, buy expensive clothing and the newest broom model that I saw Malfoy flying this year.

I decide to look further into this when I manage to get to the library. They have a whole section of public records that I could dig my nose into.

I pull out a new parchment and draw up on outline with questions that I would need to research and soon I am in a flow again, my mind free from worries as I concentrate on facts and pursue answers.

It is much later when I notice that the sky has darkened and the common room is nearly empty. I check the time to find that dinner is nearly finished and a frown instantly forms on my face. Normally, Harry would have come to get me but he seemed to be slowly stopping that.

I sigh, marking this as just another thing that Harry wouldn't be doing. Those minutes when we walk down together to dinner were precious to me, they were moments that were just us where we could catch up and talk without interruptions, not to mention how sacred eating dinner together was to us.

Back at the Dursley's after cooking and serving them dinner Harry and I would be banished away and we would eat our dinner together, just the two of us. Before Hogwarts we would took into our dinner in the small space of the cupboard and even though the situation was bad, we would have fun eating together in that cupboard, it was like our own world. God, it was fun back then. We could make the best out of any situation with the other by our sides. We would laugh in whispers so the Dursley's wouldn't hear us having fun and we were so happy just because we had the other. I can see a much younger Harry laughing from across from me with his big round glasses in his baggy clothes like it was just yesterday, the image is seared into my mind and it makes my heart swell.

After Hogwarts when trying to fit into that tiny space was just not feasible we would eat in my room, an attic space above the garage converted into a room and when the Dursley's finally made their office room into a room for Harry, we began to eat there. Even when they Dursley's stopped eating meals together Harry and I didn't, we always ate dinner together, even at Hogwarts.

Until now, supposedly. I guess even that little tradition was going to be ruined in Harry's quest to distance himself from me.

I smile bitterly to my empty surroundings when a strong nauseating inclination started wiggling in my mind. It twists my smile into something wrong but I have a feeling... a terribly horrible feeling that maybe, just maybe Harry...

I get up, needing to now if this intuition I'm feeling is right and hoping to Merlin that its not. I move down the halls barely seeing whats in front of me, my heart feels like its lodged in my throat and there's this horrible feeling in my chest.

I come upon the Great Hall doors as some people are leaving and I know there must be a mad look to my eyes as they edge around me. For the most part the Great Hall is still full but I can spot him right away. Correction. I can see _them_ right away.

My breathe leaves me with a whoosh and even though I knew and was expecting this it still hits me like a punch to the gut. Just as I feared, Harry is sitting there with Ginny Weasley plastered on his side, Ron Weasley sitting across from them. They're still in their qudditch gear and they seem to be in high spirits, Ron is laughing and Ginny is all smiles sitting next to Harry, and its clear the adoration in her eyes when she looks at him.

Harry is talking as he spins his fork around his plate and the air between them is happy, comfortable, lively. He is having fun with them. I can see instantly that he is with Ginny even though they aren't touching, its just in the air around them that they are dating. He is playing best friend to Ron and boyfriend to Ginny. He is not worrying about me, he is not thinking about me.

This is not merely an I'm distancing myself from you thing, this is a I'm leaving you behind sort of thing.

If it was me in his spot I would have felt Harry's eyes and looked up at him but Harry doesn't feel mine because Harry doesn't feel me. Not anymore.

I see red.

I march my way over, my whole body feeling hot, trembling. I feel like the wrath of hell is burning around me and I need this fury so I don't shatter apart so I can stave off this impending pain and heartbreak. I'm ready to blow. I'm going to hit him. I'm going to make him feel pain. I need to scream at him, I need him to see to understand fully what he has done to me.

But then something hits me and I rear off to the side. I blink rapidly confused. What am I doing here?

I wonder this as a hand latches onto the top of my arm. My feet are moving rapidly but I don't know where I'm going or who is pulling me. I can't really see anything. I'm not panicked, I'm not much of anything but confused.

And then it's over. I wrench my arm free and look up at Malfoy's face. I'm angry again, still trembling, still close to breaking as I realize what Malfoy has done.

"You confunded me!" I screech, the pitch of my tone making Malfoy wince before smirking at me. He nods and shrugs.

"Well, yeah."

"Why would- oh sod it, it doesn't matter." I turn on my heel ready to go from the dark hallway that leads to the entrance of the Slytherin dungeons and back to the great hall when Malfoy takes hold of me again.

"Urgh!" I howl, feeling feral and mad as I thrash from his grip only for him to encircle his arms around me and hold me trapped against him before lifting me up and tossing me into the nearest empty room which happened to by the potions classrooms.

Outraged I stumble at the force, catching my footing and turning sharply on my heel to charge at him. I'm all emotion right now, I don't even think to grab my wand, I just want to fight.

Malfoy grunts as the force of my impact bangs him harshly against the door. With gritted teeth I pull my arm back and slap him hard with all my might. His face snaps to the side and I swing my arm back again to hit him when his hand snakes out fast than I could blink to catch my wrist. I snarl and raise my other hand to strike when Malfoy bends at the waist and practically tackles me, lifting me up and over his shoulder like a rag doll.

I scream indignantly, pounding on his back and failing my legs. He grunts when my knee impacts roughly to his stomach but continues forward and over my screeches and huffs I hear him say a quick elongating spell before I'm practically slammed down onto the professor's desk.

Before I could even attempt to get up, restraining bonds wrap around my wrists and ankles, pulling me so that I'm laying flat on my back against the table.

I thrash around, kicking and fighting against the restraints, working myself into a frenzy as Malfoy just stands there and watches. I don't care what he's thinking. I don't care about anything. I just scream and fight until my panting breathes become wrenching sobs. They pull from my throat and I can't stop them, that horrible animalstic sound. I can't breath, my chest caving in and out as I take gasping breathes and the world is so blurry with my tears.

"Oh god!" I cry, my voice sounding so unlike me. I can't control myself, I don't even notice that the restraints are gone, I just curl up into myself and try to wipe away my tear. "Stop crying. Stop crying."

But I can't and I continue to cry until the sobbing calms down and it's just tears running down my face as I focus on my breathing.

Sometime later I look up to find Malfoy kneeling with his back against the wall, watching me with that unreadable look on his face. For a while we just stare.

I'm not wondering why he's still there. I don't care if this confirmed everything for him. I don't expect for this to change anything. But in me there is a infinitesimal change to the way I will look and act with him. I shift my eyes away because I don't want him to see it, that I don't hate him as much anymore, and distract myself by sitting up and scrubbing my face.

I'm not ready to go back to the tower. I still feel to raw, like an open wound sensitive all around and if I see Harry I don't know what will happen.

I hate him so much right now I don't know what to do. I hate myself too because I know I don't hate him but love him something ghastly. I just hate that he did this to me. That he _could_ even do this to me.

I want to get revenge but I don't even know how. I can't even entertain the idea of pretending to like someone else so it would seem like I don't need him either. The thought alone makes me disgusted. And I can't just leave him alone like he's done to me but I refuse to pretend like I'm fine and continue on like we were.

I bend my head, gripping onto my hair tightly as I groan.

I don't know what to do.

"You know there's nothing that can be done, right? You can't do anything about it if Potter and-"

"Don't," I interrupt, raising my head to give him a half-hearted glare "Don't try to give advice over something you don't understand."

"But you've got to know that this is for the best."

"It is not for the best. Nothing about this is right and it's not something outsiders should butt into."

"I'm not an outsider anymore, though, am I?"

His words give me pause. He looks so serious, so intense as he stares at me. It takes me a few seconds but I scoff at him, twisting my head away so I won't have to face him.

"Anyone not us is an outsider, Malfoy."

"That's not the way that Potter sees it." My fist slams down onto the table, my ire picking up slightly.

"That's not true! Harry is only playing pretend, once he gets over it he'll see that he can't change a thing. I am him and he is me!"

"But what if he doesn't? What if this doesn't go away an he dates Weaselette and leaves you behind? What are you going to do?"

"It's not going to happen."

"It already has."

I can't look at Malfoy, not even as he stands up and moves closer to me to put a finger underneath my chin.

"I told you before not to let me catch you so vulnerable again,"

I freeze at his words and he tugs on my chin so that I'm facing him again. He's close to my face, close enough to kiss and his looking at me so fixedly, watching for my every emotion. I don't even breathe. I can't.

"Because I'll take advantage of it." he finishes and then his lips touch mine in the barest whisper of a kiss, his lips smooth and soft.

Our eyes are still open as his lips slowly move over mine until soon my tense muscles relax and I'm just looking back at him. I don't move my lips with his, not when he closes his eyes and presses down on them more firmly. His hand slides from my chin to my hair, pulling my head so my mouth presses more firmly against his.

I think to myself that he has pretty eyelashes and that's when I realize I don't feel anything from this. My heart doesn't stutter and my body doesn't get all hot and tingly but I let him kiss me. I let him until he tries to deepen the kiss, his tongue sneaking out to try to invade my own.

I put my hands on his shoulders and press down, pushing back against his hand holding my head in place. Malfoy doesn't stop right away and a little wrinkle in his brows shows that he really wants me to let him in, to kiss him back but I can't.

Finally Malfoy releases my lips but doesn't pull away completely, his eyes are still closed and I wait as he takes a deep breath.

"I can replace him." he sounds confident, strangely so after kissing an unresponsive girl. It's incredible that he would even think he could when that kiss just proved to me that he couldn't.

"No one can replace him Malfoy. No one." I say as I push him away more firmly and stand. He moves away without a fight and follows me as I walk to the door.

"I can, Hermione. I already told you that I'm not leaving you alone."

"I don't know where this is all coming from, Malfoy. I don't get you. Your actions have seemed to be all over the place. You even told me before that you could never like me! I'm too much like Professor McGonagall, remember?"

"Yeah, well, I'm a Slytherin. I say whatever I need to when the situation calls for it." I step out into the hallway and turn slightly to look at him.

"So how do I know you not just doing the same thing now?" Malfoy smirks, his hand brushing against mine as he moves passed me.

"You don't."

My eyes narrow on his back as he walks away.

* * *

I wait outside the portrait hall leaning against the wall for someone to come by. It's late but not that late and I know there will be a few more stragglers to go in or out. When one finally comes- a sixth year boy who, from the looks of it, seems to be coming back after being thoroughly snogged- I march up to him, getting in his path so he knows I want to speak to him.

"Hermione Potter." His expression says he's shocked that I'm even looking at him.

"Yes, and you are?"

"I'm William Badsbe."

"I need your help William Badsbe. I need you to tell me if Harry Potter or Ginny Weasley-pretty girl, brown-eyed, red-"

"I know who Ginny is, she's on the Quidditch team."

"Right. I need to know if they are in there, okay? Just come back out here and tell me but don't say anything to them when you go in."

"Alright." He responds slowly, giving me an odd look but goes inside none-the-less. A few seconds later he comes back out.

"They're both in there but Harry was heading toward the boys staircase when I walked in."

"Oh," I say, a pained expression falling on my face. My heart hurt at this one, that he would not come looking for me after dinner, that he would choose to spend his time cuddling up to Ginny in the common room, and that he could just so easily go to bed.

I mumble a thanks and walk away, ignoring the look of concern on the boys face.

"It's almost curfew-"

I wave him off, already forgetting his existence as I head for the only place I can think to go, the room of requirement. When I come to it for a moment I just stare at the wall. I know what I want the room to change into but how much more will it hurt to sleep alone in the room that is mine and Harry's?

It'll hurt but I call for the room anyway. Once inside I rush over to the bed and crawl under the sheets. It smells like Harry in here. I breath it in deeply, swallow the lump in my throat and try not to think but there's no escaping the hollowness in my chest. The only reprieve from it is when I fall into sleep.

* * *

There's a pleasant feeling stirring in my lower abdomen.

My body shudders at the feeling of a tongue trailing down my stomach. There are fingers touching me. They graze over my nipples, run down my sides, slide between my thighs, opening them wider.

I feel hot, heavy puff of air hit my knee before the feeling of lips sliding up my inner thigh.

"Ah!" the sound is escapes from me at these ministrations.

There are hands moving my legs, curving around them to hold them in place and then I feel it. A tongue.

My body arches off the bed as it licks me over my panties. Over my own gasp I hear a groan. My eyes blearily open to catch the flash of light glinting off of glasses but then there are fingers there, pushing aside my panties and spreading me open.

My eyes close again as that tongue licks over me and it feels divine. I can't stop the sounds that leave me as lips close around my clit and suck. I shout hoarsely, surprised at the amount of pleasure I feel when the tongue goes lower to my entrance.

"Oh!"

The tongue swirls around before it enters me, moving in and out and wiggling inside. My hands flail, needing something to hold onto as my walls clench and my senses are over flooded. They find purchase in soft tresses of black hair.

Relentless, the tongue thrusts, working up this thrilling sensation in my core. There are desperate little moaning sounds escape from the mouth pleasuring me to intermingle with my own. His nose keeps bumping over my clit. I feel like I'm going mad. My hips try to move but the arms encircling my legs wont allow it.

My thighs are trembling and there is this aching tension building inside me. The tongue doesn't stop, vigorously moving, going faster and faster, entering inside me again. My hands fist the sheets and I open my eyes just enough to look down and see him.

His eyes are closed, lying on his stomach in-between my thighs. His own hips are moving, rutting up against the bed and the sight is too much. I cry out, throwing my head back as my walls convulse, my thighs shake, my heart explodes. His tongue remains on me lapping at the wet gush of juices and the nerve bundles in my clit are so sensitive that him just licking there has me seeing stars for a second time.

When my eyes shoot open again I find myself staring up at the ceiling on my back, my arms on either side of my head. I shoot up and look around but there is no one else here with me and then I feel it, how wet I am.

I blush, embarrassed. My panties are soaked. Had it all been one of those so called wet-dreams? My eyes close, my face twisting into a pained expression. Of course it had only been a dream. Something like that would never happen. Harry would never allow it.

But it had felt _so_ good. Tormentingly good since now it makes me even yearn for him more.

"Oh god, Harry." I bury my face into the blankets. Why couldn't it have been real?


	4. Chapter 4

_He is yelling, like always. Again and again and again. He is constantly yelling about something. Harry being his victim this time. _

_I stew in my anger crouched on the bottom of the staircase. _Ihatehim Ihatehim Ihatehim!_ It's a mantra inside my head. I yearn to go in there and yell right back at him, envisioning it in mind. I march right into the kitchen scream at him how much I hate him, tell him that I wish he would die. Then Harry and I would walk right out those doors, take a match and light the whole house on fire. _

_"Stop! Stop that you freak!" Vernon bellows, making me realize that some of the scattered __porcelain Petunia collects is shaking. My heart lurches when I hear the brutal sound of a fist hitting skin and the thump as Harry falls. __  
_

_I jump up, running to the kitchen, furious, scared and worried. There is a hot tumultuous feeling spreading like wildfire all over my body. In the kitchen I see Vernon standing over Harry and instinctively wedge myself right between them, hands up. I'm not thinking of my hatred but driven by the need to protect Harry. _

_"Don't hit him!" I scream as Vernon's face gets even angrier, turning a purplish red color. "He didn't even do anything! Don't hit him!" My voice is shaking, a frantic sounding screeching pitch. _

_I see the wrath build in Vernon's eyes as he stares down at me and I know that he will make me pay for this. _

_"How dare you interfere!" He grabs my hair, wrenches it back to a painful point and shakes me. "How dare you try to go against me." He pushes me back and Harry reaches out for me, taking the brunt of the fall.  
_

_Both of us are panting as Vernon stands above us unbuckling his belt. _

_"I'll teach you two! I run this house! You obey me! Take off your bottoms!" _

_I'm trembling, hatred-strong, unadulterated, fierce- courses through me making me feel consumed with it. I wish him dead with all my heart. I stare up at him with this hate in my eyes. _

_Harry reaches out grasping my hand. A brief fleeting comfort. I feel him so completely. He's hating Vernon just as much as me. We both want him to die and we both will face this punishment. We stand together, Harry letting go of my hand as Vernon watches us with malice. I undo the button of my pants and pull them down as Harry does the same. _

_"The knickers too, then turn around." _

_There's dread and fear as my panties lower. I turn, my eyes meeting Harry's hard green ones. We share a look that says it all. We'll escape from here together and never look back. _

_The belt stings as it whips across my buttocks. I cry as he hits us. My tears are a mixture of pain and bitterness. Beside me Harry doesn't make a sound but a few grunts as the belt hits. His eyes are fixated on the floor, hard and unforgiving. _

_Vernon stops, reaching out his meaty hand to clench Harry's hair and pulls him to the cupboard door, mumbling about us as he goes. Harry looks back at me as he's dragged away at my crying face, looking at me so intensely its like he's trying to memorize me face or count the number of tears running down my face. His mouth opens, mouthing something to me. _

_I'm sorry._

_For some reason my heart feels like its being wrenched and I desperately don't want him to go away._

_Vernon shoves him inside the broom cupboard, banging the door shut and locking it. _

_"Fucking starve you ungrateful little freak!" he hisses before snapping shut the flap in the door. _

_I glare at him through my tears as he heads back to me. In the moment I am on the cusp of drowning. A tidal wave of hatred, anger and bitterness threaten to take over all my senses. It would be so easy just to be as mean and spiteful at them. Cursing the world, blaming everyone and letting my circumstances lead me down a road to darkness. _

_Harry is my lifeline. A human life vest to keep me flouting above my own black feelings. To remind me that there is still good in this world and to use all the negativity to fuel me._

_Vernon stares at me with fury and reaches for my as he had Harry. I still hate him but there is also pity. _

_"And you!" he hisses, leaning down so ghastly his face is looming right above me, "I'm not through with you yet. Your little display of disrespect has earned you even more punishment. You had no right to try to get in my way when it had nothing to do with you and after all that I have given you!" _

_He drags me off and to my room, belt still in hand. _

* * *

_The house is quiet. Blissfully so. Nighttime is my favorite time. No one screaming at me that I'm a freak, no one bossing me around, and most importantly, no one to disturb me and Harry. _

_I carefully sneak down the stairs with food I have stashed in my arms for Harry and I to eat. I walk on my tip-toes, barely even breathing as I open the door to get back into the house, the light streaming in through the window is my only source of light to guide me through the living room and to my destination, Harry's cupboard. _

_I carefully maneuver the things in my arm to slowly move the latch and push the knob down. Everything I do is slow and careful, my senses hyper-aware. I can't be caught or I'd have hell to pay. I open the door just enough for me to slip inside. _

_Harry is waiting for me, sitting on one side of the small floor, his face shrouded in darkness. _

_"Sorry it took so much longer-"  
_

_Harry's hand shoots out so fast I didn't even see him to pull me down to him. I fall to my knees in front of him, our food falling with soft thumps onto Harry's make shift mattress. Before I can blink Harry has me wrapped up in his arms, his hands clutching at the back of my shirt as he crushes me to him. His face is buried in my neck and __I raise my arms to hug him back. I can feel the sadness and anger rolling off of him in waves. He lets out a broken sigh that I hate. _

_"It's okay, Harry. I'm fine." I know that he's feeling guilty that I was hit too but he has no need to be. Countless times before he's interfered on my behalf when Petunia acts especially mean to me so sticking up for him against Vernon is only a given. _

_Besides, its not the first time we've been beaten and it won't be the last. _

_"I know. We'll be okay so long as we have each other." I hum my agreement "It's just-"_

_"I know, Harry." _

_I hold him until his stomach growls. I pull away and gather the fallen goodies and hold them out to Harry for him to take his pick from. His eyes swell up with emotion as he looks at me and flush under the intense love I see. _

_"You're brilliant!" Harry says before he devours some bars and sips from a juice box. I smile at his compliment. _

_We lie down on our sides in the cramped space. Harry's face without his glasses is one that only I have seen. It makes him look even younger, innocent, his big eyes round, beautifully green and framed by dark lashes that are not as noticeable because of the frames. I can't help but raise my hand and trace a finger down the bridge of his nose. I love Harry's face. _

_He reaches out and captures my hand, holding it to his chest. I can feel his heart beating a steady thump. He breathes out softly, smelling me as I smell him and we are both relaxing, calm with only each other. We have always been each other's only source of comfort, the only kind touch that doesn't reach out to hurt or beat but to soothe and lull to peace. _

_"I love you Hermione." _

_"Love you too, Harry." _

_We are the only ones who love one another. No one else loves us. No one else cares. We tell each other we love one another because no one else does and because we do love each other oh-so very much. _

_Eventually we both drift off to sleep, assuaged by the other's presence, tightly gripping the other's hand. _

_I wake before sunrise. I'm an earlier riser and a light sleeper, which is good since I need to be back in my own room before they wake up. I don't want to leave though. In sleep Harry is so warm and soft without tension caused by the Dursley's. I want him to stay like this but that's not what Harry wants. He would only wake up panicked if I left without waking him first and be in a bad mood all day. _

_I retract my fingers from his grip and reach out to wrack my fingers through his hair, slightly scratching. I watch Harry's face as I do this until he starts leaning into my touch. _

_"Mornin, 'Mione." Harry doesn't open his eyes, his voice throaty in sleepiness but he does reach out his hands to hug me to him and give my forehead a good morning kiss. _

_"Morning, Harry." I trail my fingers nails down his arm, tickling the skin making goosebumps rise. _

_"Feels good." he mumbles. I know it does, we have always taken turns tickling each other's skin but I always tickle better since my nails are longer. It's nice to get a tickle in the mornings before the harsh day begins. _

_A thump from upstairs freezes us both before I'm scrambling up as quietly as I can. I move to the door, looking out of the flap with tense fear, distantly noting Harry rising as well. _

_Footsteps travel down the hall, luckily heading in the opposite direction. I breath out a sigh of relief. Must of been Dudley going to the bathroom. _

_I turn to Harry and give him a fleeting smile. He returns it looking adorable with his hair all tousled and sleepy eyed. Harry closes his eyes as he leans down so I close my eyes too and tilt my head up. _

_Harry's lips fall on mine, soft plump lips meeting mine pleasantly. I love this close proximity, love our traditional good morning kiss. I wouldn't be able to leave with out it. _

_For a full heartbeat Harry's lips stay on mine and it feels so warm and nice. This is how we show we love each other. _

_Harry pulls back and I open my eyes. The sound of flushing and water moving through pips surround us. It is time for me to leave before Dudley decides he wants a morning snack. I squeeze Harry's hand and walk out. _

_I can take on the rest of the day and the day after that and the day after that, so long as Harry and I remain like this..._

* * *

The next few days are a nightmare. Christmas is steadily looming closer. True to his word, Malfoy doesn't leave me alone and often pesters me in the library, constantly there whenever Harry isn't as if he's always watching and anticipating the moment Harry leaves me.

And Harry leaves me a lot.

I don't take this very well. By nature I am a blunt person known throughout school to be a bitch proven by the fact that I couldn't care less what they think about me. Ever molecule in my body is demanding that I confront Harry, that I force Ginny out of the picture and say to hell with everybody. After the wet dream I had I told myself that I would give it a week. I wouldn't bother Harry, I'd let him have his space and watch out for his reactions.

Third day in and I'm already about to give up.

I couldn't concentrate at all in the library after Harry left. I kept picturing in my mind Harry's laughing face as we ate dinner together in the cupboard. It's seared behind my eyelids and driving me mad. He was all mine back then.

I couldn't take sitting there any longer, wondering what kind of expressions he could be showing Ginny so I walked out.

Malfoy- the sodding stalker- had to follow me, of course, so now we are both walking in silence to the Quidditch field. I wave my wand around myself, putting a heating charm so I'm not completely freezing. Malfoy smirks and holds his arm out giving me this expectant look.

"What?" I ask, pocketing my wand away.

"Do me too."

I scoff at him and march away. Malfoy might be under the misconception that we are friends but I don't. If anything he is an annoying gnat that keeps coming around no matter how many times you swat at it until you just forget its presence.

I can see little black specks swooping around in the air as we draw near. They're flying leisurely and as we get nearer I can see that a lot of people have landed and are chatting by the stands. I've caught them while they are on break.

I head toward the entrance, my eyes searching for Harry when I hear a noise. I stop, head snapping to the sound.

"What is it?" Malfoy asks curiously, stopping as well. I shush him, back tracking my steps. I see movement in the shadows by the locker room. Flaming red hair. I creep closer, my heart pounding in my chest.

Ginny Weasley giggles, pulling Harry along further into the shadows.

"-break is almost over."

"Oh, come on, Harry. Stop being such a spoil-sport. Just a quick snog." She says enticingly as she pushes Harry up against the wall.

I gasp and Harry's head shoots up but Ginny Wealsey is quick, her hands reaching around his shoulders and pulling him down to her, thrusting her hands into his hair as her lips land on his.

I'm moving before I can think. Malfoy reaches out and snag my arm. No. Not this time.

I swing around, hitting Malfoy as I reach inside my robes for my wand.

"Learn a new trick, Malfoy." I hiss, hitting him with a Pertrificus Totalus. He face is frozen in shock as I turn sharply on my heel marching over to them to find Harry putting his hands on Ginny's shoulders to push her away, his eyes on me.

"No, Hermione-!"

But it's too late, my spell shooting out of my wand and hitting them. A shield immediately erupts between them, the force of it making Ginny stumble backwards and almost fall.

"What the-"

"Hermione." Harry breathes, looking at me as I snatch up his wrist without and word and start tugging him away.

"Hey! What are you doing Hermione?" But I don't care about the incredulous anger in Ginny Weasley's voice, I only care about my own anger and how close I am to turning back around and stunning her.

"Hermione." Harry tries again but I ignore him. He's not fighting my grip which is saving him right now.

Behind us I can hear the sound of footsteps. I crane my neck around to see her following after us, an angry determined look on her face.

My whole body is heated with ferocious anger. Can't she take a hint? I stop, turning around to face and raise me wand.

"Don't follow us or I'll hex you!"

Ginny stops too, her face shocked before becoming angry.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you mad? You can't just-"

Harry steps between us, facing Ginny.

"Just stop. Go back to practice, Gin. I'll meet up with you later in the Great Hall."

"But-"

"I really need to talk to Hermione, alright? This is important. Can you make up excuses for me to the rest of the team?"

Ginny's mouth snap shuts around whatever protest she was about to make, looking like she was fighting a battle within herself before she glares harshly at us and crosses her arms.

"Fine."

"Thanks. I'll see you later."

"Right." she says with notable strain in her voice as she turns on her heel and starts back down to the lockers.

I stare at Harry, waiting for him to look at me, still festering in my fury.

When Harry turns around his face is not what I expect. It's cold and annoyed. He grabs my wrists and starts pulling me along back to the castle. His anger makes rise to my own and we both march to the castle, stewing in our thoughts.

Harry leads me through the halls, taking shortcuts whenever he can so that we're in front of the Room of Requirement in no time at all. When the door appears, Harry aggressively opens it, practically throwing me inside so I stumble a few steps.

I whip around to face as the door slams shut behind us, my mouth open to rant at him, but Harry's hand closes over my mouth before I can, his green eyes flashing behind his glasses.

"Don't start right now, Hermione. I'm extremely angry at you." I push Harry's hand away with force, eyes flashing.

"_What_!" I'm infuriated by his words, disbelieving that _he_ actually could feel that way. "You're angry with me? You're the one-"

"Stop. I don't want to hear it! I don't know what you think you're playing at in front of Ginny back there-"

"Are you really going there? How shall I start? First off, you didn't even have the courage to tell me about you and Ginny-"

"Because I knew you would react like this!"

"Of course I would react like this Harry! You don't even like her-"

"Yes I do!"

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" I scream, my whole body trembling. "Have you forgotten that I know you, Harry? I'm a part of you! You can't lie to me!"

Harry turns away stubborn refusal on his face.

"You don't know anything." His voice is low. Dangerous. The look in his eyes is foreboding. There is something that I have overlooked, something that is making Harry think he has the upper hand.

"What have you done?" I can hear the dread in my voice, feel it creeping all over my skin. He turns away but I refuse to talk to his back. I've seen enough of it already. I reach out with greedy hands holding his forearms as I move in front of him. Get in his face.

"What have you done, Harry?"

His eyes flash with flickers of pain, regret, sadness. I feel tears well up in my eyes and I let him go. There is only one thing that I can logically think of that would make him act this way.

"You slept with her." I whisper horrified. Harry's hands clench at his side. "You fucked her, didn't you?" My voice is getting higher, angrier. I can feel all my control unraveling. Harry doesn't say anything as my whole world goes topsy turvy.

I raise my eyes and look at him to find him watching me, his eyes unwavering, his expression blank.

"What the hell is the matter with you!" I shriek, angry, so angry. "How could you do this? Y-you...how could you..how could you actually touch her? YOU DISGUST ME!"

I glare up at Harry waiting for him to say anything, waiting for him to tell me I'm wrong, waiting for his defense. He doesn't say a thing.

I snap.

I'm in front of his face a second later, my hand wrenched back ready to strike. Harry's eyes widen a split second and I see his disbelief. I revel in it.

_SLAP _

It is done. Harry's head whips to the side, his glasses clatter to the floor. My hand stings. I am not done. I raise my hand and slap him again. I hear his breath stutter out. I don't want to stop. I want to beat him up. I want to tear him apart.

Something in me has broken. Maybe there is something now broken in him too, I don't know. I don't know him anymore.

He doesn't raise his head up, doesn't try to stop my blows. Then I see it. A tear drop. I look at him, really look at him.

His green eyes are fixed to the ground, red like his cheeks and filled with so much sadness. It is plain to see the misery, the pain, the anguish on his face.

He is crying.

A jolt goes through me. I watch another tear fall down his cheek and feel a sick fascination for it. This is exactly what I wanted.

I want to taste his tears, lick them off his face, make him cry for me more; get close so I can breath in his scent, his misery. My gaze is heady as I look at him cry and I'm leaning in before I even realize. But then his eyes flick over to me and I remember.

He is tainted.

A repugnant look settles on my face and I watch it shatter Harry. I turn away feeling sickly satisfied as I march to the door.

"_No_," Harry breathes, sounding like it was wrenched from his entire being. "No, wait!"

I ignore him, opening the door when his hand desperately slams it shut. I feel the warmth of his body against my back, can practically feel him shaking. I keep facing forward, unable to help the dark smile that flits across me face.

"Get away from me. You're revolting."

"No! Please!" Harry plasters himself against my back, his arms caging me in, his head buried in my hair. "Please don't say that. Don't hate me. I had to do this. I had to stop this!"

"No you didn't. You're just a coward that is too afraid of what other people would think-"

Harry's hands clamp on my shoulders, spinning me around. I am faced with his wild desperate expression. It is my turn to keep my face blank, to act uncaring.

"That's not true! I'm doing this for you!"

"You're not doing anything for me and you'd be daft if you thought I would believe you. Now get your filthy hands off of me!" I demand, hitting his hands away. Harry's face crumbles, more tears welling in his eyes. I take only a second to appreciate it, to burn it into my mind before I open the door and walk away.


	5. Chapter 5

_I am forcefully thrust out of sleep by a brutal grip wrenching on my arm._

_"Get up! Get up you lazy girl!" _

_Her pulling makes me fall out of bed, the harsh impact of my back onto the cold floor jolting me awake. _

_Petunia is still pulling on my arm. I can see that mad glint in her eyes that she sometimes get and I know that I'm in for a long night. Again. This will be the third night she's done something like this. Waking me up in the dead of night to do some chore. _

_"Get up! Get up right now!" I follow her pull, rising to me feet and staring at her with wide eyes. I have to tread very carefully when she gets like this. She shakes me as she stares down into my eyes. "You terribly lazy despicable girl! Come here!" she continues to tug me out of my room into the freezing cold house. We pass a clock and I see its about to be four in the morning. _

_How does this woman keep waking up like this every night?_

_She stomps up the stairs, probably waking Harry as she goes. I try to go up quieter but with her incessant tugging makes me stumble. I hit my knee on the stair and hiss at the pain. _

_"Hurry up!" Petunia hisses ferociously. I scramble back up and she pulls me to the bathroom, thrusting me inside. _

_"What is this? Hm?" The question is poised as a threat already, hissed between teeth with barely controlled rage and madness. _

_I stare at her because that's all I can do and all she wants me to do. _

_She trails long manicured hands over the sink and holds it for me to inspect. There is nothing on her hand but she thrusts it in my face as if I am supposed to see something. _

_"You call this clean? Huh? Do you think this is clean?" She rubs her fingers together and looks at me with wide crazed eyes. _

_I try not to yawn in her face. It is so late-or maybe it's early- and the coldness makes me just want to go right back to bed and under the covers._

_"No, Aunt Petunia." I say it because its what she wants me to say, sounding monotone, robotic. Petunia's face tightens, her brown eyes widening even further with malice and madness. _

_She reaches out, grabs my wrist in a brutal hold, her icky long nails digging into flesh. I can't help the expression that falls on my face and she notices. _

_"Don't give me that look! You disobedient, ungrateful, nuisance!" Her free hand grips my face, pinching my cheeks. _

_"I apologize, Aunt Petunia." I manage to say. Petunia holds my face for a moment longer before roughly releasing me. _

_"I want this place spotless! Spotless! You understand?" She walks out and I sigh at the wall. The place is already spotless but I start to clean it up again anyway. _

_I hate it here. I hate it here so much. Constantly being ordered around. _

_Harry and I do equal amount of chores. We both have to cook, clean and do yard work endlessly. Luckily we only have Vernon to breath down our necks during the weekends but Petunia is constantly there, constantly griping at us and especially me. _

_She has some sort of obsession with me, a profound dislike that makes her haggle me all the time. She meticulously goes over everything I do, watching me as I clean to critique me with insults._

_It can't be even twenty minutes later before she is back, her eyes wide, staring down at me with murder in her eyes. In her hand is a shirt and I feel dread rising in my entire being. _

_"Look at what you have done!" She screeches, holding up the shirt and flailing it around. "You've ruined it!" She sounds as if she is about to cry, her emotions all over the place. _

_"I'm sor-" _

_The whack across my face stills my apology. _

_"I don't want your so called 'sorry'! I don't tolerate mistakes!" She keeps hitting me screeching about failures. I can't help but cry. Distantly, I hear the muffled yells of Harry as he bangs on the cupboard door. _

_"Please! It won't happen again! Please!"_

_"Ruined! Ruined! Ruined!" Petunia definitely sounds like shes crying, hitting me without seeing me. _

_A bang rocks the floor and both Petunia and I scream. Vernon comes barreling out of the room, already red faced and enraged. _

_"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON!" He howls as Harry comes running up he stairs. Cautiously I lower my arms but Harry's arrival has jolted Petunia out of her stupor. She lunges for me, her talon like nails tearing into my flesh as she pulls me out of the bathroom. _

_"Let go of her!" Harry screams, barreling to us like a bull. Petunia lets me go in her shock just as Harry wrenches her away, placing himself in between me and the Dursley's. _

_I'm shocked stiff, staring up at Harry's back from on the floor. I'm not the only one. Vernon and Petunia are looking at him as if they don't quite know what to make of his rebellious actions. It doesn't last long for the next second Vernon is yelling again. _

_"What has gotten into you boy? How dare you speak to us that way!" Vernon has the promise of pain written all over his face. _

_"No," I can't help but whispered, horrified that Harry will be hurt once again because of me. _

_But Harry just takes a step back and slams the door in their faces, locking it just as Vernon's fist collides against the wooden frame. _

_Vernon immediately starts howling, spewing threats from the other side of the door. Harry doesn't turn around, he just stands in front of the door breathing heavily. I breathe his name and his head turns to me in a sideways gaze. _

_I suck in a breath. His eyes are dark, pupils dilated with anger, hate and fear. The fear shouldn't have surprised me but it does and I can feel my heart warm at its presence. _

_Harry was scared as he faced the Dursley's but he still did it. He did it for me. _

_I melt with love for him. All the fear, pain and anger goes away and I'm melting in this warm cherished feeling. Harry is the only person in this world that has ever done something like that for me. He's the only one who loves me enough and the feeling is completely mutual. _

_Harry's eyes widen as he looks at me, sucking in a sharp breath. I don't know what my face looks like but Harry is in awe of it. _

_"FINE! You lot better be planning on staying locked in there for the rest of your pathetic lives cause the moment I catch you out I'll have your hide!" Vernon bellows making both jump. _

_Fear spikes through me. What is going to happen to Harry? Vernon will tear him to pieces for his actions. Oh, I can't bare it! Vernon already acts so brutal to Harry. I feel nausea creeping up on me. _

_"Oh Harry! I'm so worried for you!" _

_No sooner than the words are out of my mouth does Harry kneel before me and wrap me in his arms. _

_"It's going to be alright, Hermione." He says simply with a calmness I can't begin to understand. _

_"How can you be so calm! Vernon-" _

_"-Is going to leave for work in a few hours. I have the whole day before he can follow through with his threat." I shake my head at the nonchalant tone. _

_"How did you even get out of the cupboard?" _

_At this a nervous look crosses Harry's face and dread adds itself to the mixture of worry and fear. _

_"Harry..."  
_

_"I blew out the door." He says with averted eyes. I gasp with shock, covering my mouth. _

_"Oh no! Oh Harry-when Vernon or Petunia sees-" _

_"It's fine. I'll be fine." Tears well up in my eyes at the brave face he's putting on as I wrench Harry harder to me. _

_"I wish you wouldn't have done this Harry-" _

_"No! I couldn't just stay in there listening to her hit you again!"_

_"But Harry-" _

_"I would rather it be me than you a million times over so just drop it, Hermione!" I bit my lip and stare at right into Harry's eyes. _

_"But its the same for me too. I would rather it be me than you." _

_"I know."_

_Harry smiles a small almost sad looking smile as he looks at me tenderly. One of his hands come up sliding up my neck and into my bushy hair as the other comes to cup my cheek, rubbing his thumb along my skin. I nuzzle my face into his hand soaking in his touch and trying to keep the worry from my eyes. _

_As if sensing this Harry leans down, his face consuming my vision and automatically my heart starts to beat wildly in my chest. My gaze falls to his lips and my own open slightly with anticipation. Kissing is still such a new and pleasant feeling. I'm surprised at how much I like doing it. _

_Harry is always the one to initiate kisses but I think about kissing him a lot. Everything sort of goes away, lost to only good feelings. I get enraptured by the smell of him, the shared breathing, the way my belly erupts into butterflies and that spreads all over me from the rapid beating of my heart. _

_Finally, his lips land on mine, a firm press and for just a moment I am content. I hear Harry breath me in and I wonder how he feels when we kiss. Does he like it as much as I do? _

_When Harry breaks the kiss I have to stop myself from falling his lips. I can't help but marvel at the power Harry has over me. He can make any situation a less worse than it is with just a kiss and I hope that never changes. _

* * *

I don't get any sleep that night. There are too many thoughts running through my mind about them being...together...intimate. It sickens me. My mind imagines Harry, _my_ Harry, touching Ginny's disgusting body.

I feel a warped sense of memorizing fascination imagining them together. Ginny's skin is paler than Harry's and mine. I see in my minds eyes Harry's tanner hands running over hers, cupping her breasts, fingering her slit. I imagine his hands gripping her red locks as she sucks his cock. I picture them tonguing each other's mouths as he fucks her.

I hate it but I can't stop these images. I want it to be me but its not so I obsess over the details.

Would Harry moan when he enters her? Would he have his glasses on to see her reactions better, or off so he can kiss her more deeply? Would he prep her with his tongue before fingering her greedy cunt? Would he make sure she climaxed first? How much did he care about her sexual pleasure?

These questions plague me, eat me alive, drive me mad. I feel like my whole world is spinning out of control. I don't understand how we got to this point.

But I won't stand for it.

I wait until the wee hours of the morning and creep out from my bed. It's quiet in the dormitory. Peaceful. A complete contrast to the roaring in my heart.

I open the door to the boys staircase with caution. There is no exhilaration or anticipation like the last time I had sneaked to Harry's dorm. No, now there is a hardness, a desperation. At the entrance to his dorm I place the tip of my wand to the door and trace out a rune, whispering a spell to put all the occupants inside into a temporary enchanted sleep. It's not a spell learned in curriculum but one I stumbled upon a long time ago in the library and highly advanced. I always knew it would come in handy.

Now it has.

I step inside completely unafraid and eye the snoring boys with distaste. My eyes fall onto Ron's red hair and I feel a surge of anger spike so strongly it makes little sparks shoot out from my wand. I hate the Weasley's. I hate how they want to take Harry away from me.

I'm tempted to curse him but the rational part of my mind refuses to let myself. I have a different retribution in mind.

I go to Harry's bed. His curtains are drawn unlike the others. I stare at them for a moment but ignore it. Ignore him. I didn't come here for him.

I drop to my knees before his trunk, opening the lid to find his stuff strewn inside. Harry is never clean unless he needs to be. I rummage through his things searching meticulously until I find one of the things I need. The cloak.

I pull it out, folding it carefully next to myself on the floor before I dig in again for the map. I look everywhere for it, check and double check but its not here. I look around me, wondering where it could be. I check under his bed in his dresser but to no avail.

I sigh. The map is the most important thing for me to get. I don't believe that Harry would loan it out or get it taken from him so I'm at a loss as to it's location. The only place I hadn't looked is inside his bed.

I eye the curtain again. I really don't want to see Harry's face right now but I have no choice. I reach out, pulling the curtain back. I'm surprised at what I find.

Harry had obviously not been sleeping before the sleep spell took affect despite the hour. His body was situation slumped in a sitting position, glasses still on his face. In his lax hand is the marauders map.

I reach out and grab it, wondering what he could have possibly looking at and knowing that I would definitely curse him if its on Ginny Weasley but its not. The map is showing me in the boys dormitory.

My heart jumps, my eyes shooting to Harry's sleeping face. What had Harry been looking at? Had he been watching Ginny's footprints when he noticed me moving out of bed and traced it as I walked to the door and stood outside his door?

I fold the map taking a stuttering breath. I don't know what Harry had been looking at but I do know that he knew I had come to his dorm and once he finds the cloak and map gone he'll come for me.

But that's precisely why I am taking them. With this I can avoid him and plot what my next move will be.

Just looking at him now is causing such a horrible pain in my chest. I want to touch him, take off his glasses, situate him so he's comfortable but I won't. Right now he's not my Harry. He's just like all the other boys in this dorm. Dirty, contaminated creatures. He won't be my Harry again until he's not with Ginny anymore, until he swears he'll never even think of abandoning me like this again.

I gather the cloak and exit the tower all together. I'm not getting any sleep anyway.

I sneak into the library undisturbed by anything except the sounds the castle makes like stairs moving and portraits grumbling. The castle at night is a wonder but it doesn't reach me. There is an insidious blackness taking over my heart.

I think about Harry being with her and it makes me want to do dark things.

What if I just fucked all the sixth year boys-became a renowned slut and ruined myself entirely? Would Harry feel sorry then? Would he release just how damaged he's left me? I think about leaving all of this behind, disappearing to some place Harry would never find me and fantasize at how frantic he will look for me, how gutted he'd be when I'm gone. I think about trying to fall in love with someone else so completely Harry wouldn't even matter anymore.

But these are all impossible things.

The idea of someone filthy hands on me makes me want to vomit. I can never go through with it, I'd be physically ill.

My mind flashes to Malfoy. He's touched me, yes, and I didn't hate it all that much but still. No. Even though it would tear Harry up inside and drive him mad, I couldn't do it for many reasons.

One: Malfoy is too complicated. He's too much of a wild card and I can't deal with complications. If I tried to manipulate him, I know already that it wouldn't work out well for me. He'd take things too far.

Two: he's dangerous. I shiver involuntarily and not at all pleasantly as I recall a look in his eyes he sometimes get. It's calculated, cold, and void of compassion. There is something horribly broken there. Frighteningly so.

Which brings me to my third reason. He's too much like me. That horrible look in his eyes...it scares me because it's familiar. That detachment to things...It's what will become of me if Harry really does continue with Ginny. I won't be able to feel anything anymore. It's a devil-may-care attitude. It's an impassivity. Its empty. It's hollow.

It's the complete opposite of Harry. Harry is all emotion. He feels anger, pain, sorrow, happiness and he feels them completely. He's got so much hope, so much brightness that just draws you in. He doesn't see it but I do...

And so does Ginny.

That horrible bitch.

I need Harry. I need him because he abates the thing that Malfoy would feed. Even when I hate him he makes me feel more than Malfoy ever could. Malfoy would only pull us both down further into that void.

And maybe, just maybe if the worst with Harry happens, I'll let him.

That I know would be a sufficient enough punishment for Harry.

But not yet.

* * *

I manage to avoid Harry for almost two days and not just him but Malfoy too.

I skip meals, study at Hagrids hut and sleep on the couch in the prefects meeting room. In classes I feel the both of them watching me. Harry's gaze is more like he can't help but watch me but Malfoy's gaze is full of anger. I imagine he couldn't like getting left in the snow all that much but I can't be arsed enough to care. Serves him right for always trying to get in the way.

I don't really understand the reason for Harry watching me. I do and I don't since I can't be sure about anything that has to do with him anymore.

His actions say that me leaving him alone is exactly what he's been asking for and what he should want but his constant gaze is begging me to forgive him and be around him again.

So what I think is that Harry wants to be close but not too close. He wants to be like Ron and Ginny. But I can't do that. Not while I'm going mad picturing him fucking Ginny and just the sight of them together makes me want to obliviate even the tiniest memory of Harry from her mind and compel her to live her life in a nunnery far far away.

Harry manages to catch me on the last class of the day. Previously, I had been running out of the classroom like a bat out of hell, confunding him when need be and then throwing on the cloak at the first oppurtunity and getting the away but Harry is quick. He not only sees what I've been doing but reacts faster than me and steals my wand away before I can exit the door, grabbing onto my arm and pulling me into the thicket of people.

"Harry, let go." I hiss through gritted teeth as he drags me along.

"No." He says simply.

I glare at him, feeling bitter, angry, and reluctantly excited to be around him again but then I freeze, realizing something. I stop moving completely, stop breathing. I'm looking up at Harry...looking up at him!

Harry's eyes gaze down at me, angrily at first before widening. I don't know what's on my face but it makes his face waver, flicker with uncertainty.

"What is it?"

I stare at him and feel a painful twinge in my chest.

"You've gotten taller." I answer. Harry rolls his eyes at me and keeps moving us along but I find that I suddenly really don't want to be around him right now. Not this boy who smells like Harry but whose grip is tighter than my Harry's and whose body is bigger than my Harry's.

Harry walks us along and I realize after a few minutes that it doesn't seem as if he has any destination in mind. It's like he doesn't know where to go, or rather, what he wants to do. I can tell he's not up for an argument but now whenever we are around each other all we do is fight and our fights are not something he wants people to see. They're too intimate and they often get way out of control.

But to bring me to the Room of Requirement meant allowing for that chance to come and treading on dangerous ice. Would I be the one to lose it again or will he?

I wonder what he will do.

Harry sighs, running a hand through his messy black hair. It hurts that I can't help but find him adorable. My hand itches to reach up and pat his hair down, to lean in closer and smell his scent, to feel his warmth and have that closeness.

Harry looks at me from behind his messy fringe and I harden my face, give him an impatient glare. He eyes my face for a moment before suddenly retracting his wand and giving it a flick with a whispered Accio!

Tugging my hand, he starts walking us back the way we came. Frustrated, I pull myself away from him, giving him a glare.

"What are you doing Harry? You can't just keep pulling me this way or that! I'm not a dog!"

Harry takes my hand again even as people pass us by and looks deeply into my eyes. His hand is warm and large, fingers long and thin intertwined with mine. This is a familiar hand. I know it. I know why the palm is calloused. I've seen these hands wash dishes, scrub floors, pull weeds. I cant help but look down at our hands. It's such a simple thing, something Harry and I have done a million times before but not since a long time ago, it feels.

"I want to walk with you, Hermione. I-we need to talk."

I look back up at him, slowly removing my hand from his. Harry doesn't say anything but I can sense his displeasure.

"Fine, we can talk, but don't touch me." I say, moving slightly away from him. Harry makes an annoyed sound, frowning down at me.

"Come on Hermi-"

My eyes flash with anger as open my mouth to retort.

"I mean it!"

Harry's own eyes flash and I can see he wants to do something, something he can't do in a hallway with other people around. I smile darkly to which Harry eyes with distaste.

"Also, we have to visit Hagrid first." I demand.

Hagrid had been very sad lately at the lack of Harry's appearance and since he's the only other person I like in this world I won't let it stand anymore. At first, he had been angry and I would have to make excuses for Harry's and when I stopped it out of my own frustration with Harry it made Hagrid's anger turn to sadness.

"Fine," he says with audible restraint in his voice. "Lets go to Hagrids. I'll get our cloaks."

He swishes his wand with an Accio as I try to recall the last time Harry and I did this last. I can't help but feel angry and sad that the last time was after the welcoming feast. Harry and I used to go visit Hagrid all the time but that was before this madness.

"I'm surprised you even remember he lives outside." I can't help but be sarcastic and biting toward him. He has done so much wrong this year.

"Hermione." His says warningly as our cloaks come soaring toward us.

"What? You haven't been to Hagrids at all so far this year except for once and it's about to be Christmas! Hagrid is very upset with you and he keeps asking about you whenever I go to visit him."

"I havent-"

"Oh don't try to make excuses Harry. We both know that you haven't been too busy to see him. You could have stopped by on your way to Quidditch or even after but you just don't care enough! But you'll make time for your precious Weasley's!"

"It's not like that!"

"Well it's what it looks like, isn't it? And Hagrid has every right to feel as he does."

"Why do you keep trying to pick fights with me? This isn't what we do-"

"No it wasn't what we did but since you're the one who decided to put an end to how we were this is what we'll do now!"

A frustrated groan escapes from Harry's lips, his glaring eyes fixed on the floor as we walk. I put my cloak on as we near the entrance doors and whip out my wand, waving a warming charm around myself and then turning it to Harry and doing the same before I even realize it.

I catch a flash of a small almost smug smile appears on Harry's face before he turns his head away from me. I scowl but continue on.

"So what makes you want to see Hagrid all of the sudden anyway? Is Weaslette too busy washing her hair or something?" My tone is bitter and disgusted with a hint of envy as I rush forward toward the door ahead of him slightly. He still manages to open the door for me and with a glare I step outside. The cold isn't half as bad with the warming charm but it's still pretty cold. I am reminded that Christmas break will be in two days time.

I feel Harry step out behind me and hear the door close behind him. There is no one outside and the grounds are covered in frost. It's pretty and peaceful like the calm usually obtained in the dead of night.

I turn to look at Harry expectantly and he glares down at me, reaching out to grab me and pull me closer to him. His breath stirs my hair and my heart spikes.

"I am done with this, Hermione! Why can't you just-"

A wave of adrenaline hits me, I use all the strength in my small body to wrench us around, using the element of surprise. Harry's back hits the door with a bang, his face going from surprised to dark in a seconds.

"Why cant I what Harry?" I hiss, getting closer to his face. "Why can't I just accept you and your precious girlfriend and be happy for you?" My tone is mocking, my face saying how impossible that idea is.

Harry wrenches himself up, pushing my hands off. Both his cheeks are flushed, his hair a mess and glasses askew. He makes my heart race. Below the anger, under the hurt, there is so much desire for him, no matter what.

My Harry, my Harry, my Harry, minemineminemine!

"Yes! Why can't you just stop? Why can't you just let your feelings go and let us be normal?"

He is my Harry. He is my Harry that is my only reprieve from the nightmare that is the Dursley's. My Harry who has protected me, took punishment for me and would comfort me afterwards.

"You want to know why?" I ask, voice tight, heart a mess. I grasp his hand- the hand that had held mine earlier and felt such fixation for- as I fumbled with my robe, wrenching it open. I pull his hand closer to me, open my legs a little wider. I can't think straight. I don't want to.

Harry looks confused before his eyes widen and he tries to feebly pull his hand away but its too late, I need this and he's not getting away. I press Harry hand against my wet knickers. His hand is a cold contrast to my hot center. It makes my breath hitch and my eyes close. I've wanted him to touch me here for so long.

I hear Harry suck in a harsh breath and open my eyes. His wide eyes are locked where his hand his beneath my skirt, and he looks even reader than before. I feel a rush go through me making me even wetter. I deliberately grind myself into his hand wantonly, watching Harry's breathing get labored like my own, but its not enough. I want to rub myself on him. I want to sit on his face and grind on his tongue and do wicked, wicked thing to him.

Harry's eyes go dark, pupils dilated and my whole body answers to that shift in him with a thrill that sets my whole body on fire. I don't dare say a word in case it breaks him from this trance, I can barely even breath.

Harry's tongue comes out, wetting his lips as his hand slips under my knickers. My mind gets hazy as he touches me. My legs start to shake as his fingers slide over my wet quim, rubbing against my clit.

I whimper. I can't help it. The air is intense, heady, between us, saturated with dangerous lust and desire. I feel like I'm going mad. I don't have enough strength to hold myself up, I'm shaking to much. I reach out and grip onto Harry's robes. Harry's hand comes to pull my body closer as his fingers manipulate me, attacking my clit before circling around my center. I lean my head down onto his chest, breathing him in, clutching at him and grinding onto his hand.

I cry out as he slowly pushes a finger in. A shudder goes through him. We're both panting. I spread my legs wider, feel him pushing in deeper. My walls spasm around his finger.

"_Fuck_!" He hisses, hips pushing into me and I'm overcome with lust at his reaction, making my walls clench again. He pushes other finger inside and furiously starts finger fucking me.

"Harry!" I scream, my back arching, head going back, as my eyes go wide. It feels so amazing, better than amazing. His fingers are stirring a delicious sensation in my belly, a heat spreading all over. I can't hold myself up any longer. He can't either. We both go sliding down the door, Harry's fingers never stopping.

Harry's forehead falls onto my shoulder, his breathing heavy, his free hand clenching my shirt. I want to touch him. I want to run my hand down the length of his cock, see the affect that I have on him. But I can't, I don't dare to.

There is a stirring low in my belly, warm, hot making the muscles there spasm. I scream as it builds to impossible lengths, my heart exploding in my chest as a gushing sensation in my quim has my walls clenching. I'm moving against Harry's fast fingers with abandon. Harry groans in my ear, brings his thumb to rub my clit while fingering me.

Breathing escapes me. Everything escapes me. I am a bundle of tight nerves, trembling and boneless. I realize that I just had an orgasm. Even better yet, _Harry_ just gave me an orgasm.

I come down from the high, my breath returning, drinking in gulps of his smells, still flushed and quivering. Harry's fingers slide out of me and I'm overcome by a strange urge to laugh.

I knew it. _I knew it_!

Harry can denydenydeny but I _know_.

I can feel him trembling. He slips his hands out from underneath my skirt. He won't raise his head to look at me. I know he feels ashamed, I know that this time it is he who is feeling the hate. I pull back to try to see his face but Harry holds me fast, crushing me to him.

I know he doesn't want me to read his emotions but what he doesn't know is I already have. He's my Harry again. I know him again, not as much as I want but more than I did moments ago.

And right now he's miserable. I can't share in that emotion. I'm feeling way too victorious, way too happy.

I smile as I wrap my arms around him. Better for him to not see my face right now since surely my happiness would only make him worse.

But it's over now. We can forget about these past few months and go back to how it was.

The cold is starting to sink in again. I shuffle awkwardly in my pockets to retrieve my wand, renewing the warming charm on both of us. Harry shivers as it washes over him before finally raising his head.

My eyes go wide at his expression, piercing right into my heart to still all my good feelings.

His agonized eyes met my own, lips down turned in a deep frown. He looks beyond miserable, he looks beyond ashamed. He is crushed by what we've done.

He turns his head away from me, retracts his hands and just sits there with me straddling him. Niggling guilt shoots through me but so does a defensiveness, however, I can't say anything-not a word of comfort nor a defense. I don't have any because there are no need for them.

Harry already knows that this is what I wanted, that I am not sorry. He knows I'd do it again even if he cries about it and will do it again in the future. I will continue to tempt him, to manipulate him to get what I want.

I wouldn't have in the past but love changes people and not always for the better.

"Harry, I love you." _I'm sorry that this hurts you. I'm sorry I won't stop even knowing that it does._

His jaw clenches, his eyes squint and I can't tell if he's glaring or fighting back tears. "Harry-"

"I know, alright, Hermione? _I get it_. Just..." Just get away from me, just stop talking, is what he doesn't say.

I sigh, biting my tongue from speaking.

"I lose, okay? You made your point. I'm weak when it comes to you. I-I..._I want you_," he whispers it, as if saying it louder will make it all too real. My heart surges anyway, body becoming warm all over again. "but this isn't about what we want. I've got to do what's right, Hermione. This doesn't change anything."

"This changes everything! How can you say that?"

"Because it isn't right. The world would never except it and I can't take you away from it. You are so brilliant, you can change the wizarding world and you will but how can you do that if your with me? You'd be a disgrace-"

"I don't care about it! I don't care about them! It's laughable how easily I can leave this place behind. If the future is what's stopping you Harry then just forget about it! I don't have a future if you are not in it! I am not me without you."

"That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard you say." His voice is harsh, biting, angry. "You are your own person! There is a you without me! We are not the same person!"

"Don't say that!"

"It's the truth! You can get on just fine and fix this world."

"I wouldn't be happy! I wouldn't feel joy! I would just be going about life day by day like I have been doing ever since you've pulled away from me. Life isn't about just going through the motions and that's exactly what it would be like for me."

Harry shakes his head slowly, assuredly.

"You don't know that." I glare at him as we hit an impasse. The thing is he's right. I don't know the future, I don't know what could happen. Maybe I would be just fine with work becoming my life.

"You're right. I don't know the future but I know that I can't love anyone but you. I might be fine getting occupational satisfaction but it would be an incomplete life. Is that what you want for me, Harry? To be incomplete?"

"What I want is to be anybody else. You have no idea-" he stops, cutting his own words off and looking away from me. I know he was about to admit something big, something he doesn't want me to know. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything."

Anger rushes through me, taking its familiar place in my heart.

"So you're not going to break up with Ginny. You're still going to carry this on?"

"Yes." His answer is sure, strong.

I wrench myself up and away from him, turning away from him as something ugly unfurls in my chest.

"Fine." I'm trembling again, this time its an unpleasant trembling, the kind that makes you feel like your a hairs breath away from losing control. "Fine. If this is what you want you've got it but you're going to regret this, Harry."

I turn away from him as he jumps up to his feet.

"What do you mean by that?" He demands, reaching out to take hold of me. I let him, turning my face toward him to smile without humor at him.

"I don't have to answer to you." I shrug out of his hand, move away from him. Harry comes following.

"Don't piss me off, Hermione. Tell me what you meant."

"It means that I'll live a whole life that you won't know about Harry. I'll do things you don't know-bad, despicable things- and you won't be able to stop me because it wouldn't be your business any longer." I shrug, pull open the entrance door. I hear Harry growl behind me but before he can do anything I slip through the door, the warmth of the castle hitting me as I rush through the crowd of people.

He doesn't have to know that I'm just saying things to deliberately get a rise out of him. I'm not going to become some sort of tramp but Harry won't know that. Let him feel a little fear, a little jealousy.

Harry is behind me. I know he want to lunge for me since I'm just out of his reach but he can't with all these people around. I go up the stairs, dodging people left and right, trying to lose Harry.

I don't have to worry about it as a flash of red hair moves ahead of me. Ginny Weasley heads this way, her face carefully cool as we spot each other. I feel my whole body tense at just the sight of her. I hate her so much. She moves like she knows shes my rival. How this freckle-faced, quidditch-crazed, bitch actually got Harry's affections is beyond me.

Except she doesn't have his affections, not really. _You think you do though, I bet you feel so smug being the girlfriend of the famous Harry Potter. I bet you think I'm just the spoiled bitchy sister of you boyfriend that can be pushed aside. But your just a sad little decoy. You have no idea that your boyfriend was just outside fingering my pussy until I came around his fingers. _

I smirk darkly at these nefarious thoughts. I really am a twisted bitch but I am what Harry reduces me to.

I haven't realized that I stopped walking until Harry's hand clamps down unto my shoulder.

"Hermione-" his gruff tone breaks off again as he follows my line of sight and sees Ginny there. He doesn't say anything else as Ginny moves toward us so I look at him. His face looks like he's having a debate with himself in his mind, hints of his anger with me still on his face. I can see he's torn between continuing to yell at me or go to his girlfriend.

Ginny takes his choice away as she smiles beatifically at him. Immediately there is a monster in my chest that's demanding I wedge myself right between them and tell Ginny to sod off.

"Harry," she breaths in greeting, her light brown eyes lit with obvious adoration. I wish to pluck her eyeballs out. "Hermione," she continues with a slight incline of her head.

"Gin-" The bitch swoops up, kissing Harry on the lips in a quick greet.

I don't look away, seeing red as my hands clenched at my side. To most this would be a very chaste and appropriate greeting for a boyfriend or girlfriend but its blasphemy to me. Harry's eyes flick to mine, assessing my face. I know I must look a fright. There is no helping it. I find it absolutely disgusting that they are together. That those lips dare to kiss another.

I suddenly have no urge to leave. Let them stew in awkwardness around me. Better that than for the Weaselette to try and pressure Harry into snogging or worse.

"Oi! Harry!"

Damn! I'm immediately annoyed by the loud obnoxious voice of the other Weasley nuisance. So is Ginny if her face is anything to go by. Ron comes up in all his tall gangly glory.

"I've been looking for you all over, mate. Oh, Gin, did you tell him already?"

I don't know if Ron just hadn't noticed my presence yet, or is just deliberately ignoring me but his eyes don't even come near my direction.

"No, not yet. I've only just seen him-"

"Hello, Ron." I greet without a hint of my aggravation or dislike for the boy.

Everyone stares at my with shock but my eyes stay on Ron's. He blinks furiously in surprise and I wonder if there had ever been a time before this where I greet the boy in almost a friendly manner. I don't ever acknowledge anyone other than Harry. Or at least I didn't before today.

I smile as Weasley gets over his shock with a little help from Ginny elbowing his side slightly. I can feel Harry's gaze on me especially and let a smirk flash across my face for a second.

"Er...hi" He says awkwardly, his eyes going red and his gaze immediately unable to hold my own. So weak.

"How are you?" I ask, keeping my tone light and eyes direct.

"Good...?" Why it sounds like a question, I don't know. Just Weasley stupidity I suppose. Or maybe more like Ron stupidity. His elder brother all seem rather intelligent so far as I noticed.

"Right. Well, I'll see you later."

"Right, later." He responds as if he can't think properly. I smile wider at him as his eyes land on me and his face goes almost as red as a tomato. I turn away without glancing at Harry and weave through the crowd of people without looking back.

As soon as I'm away the smile is wiped off my face. I don't know how I'll manage at the Wealsey's but I'll have to go with infinite patience.


End file.
